Lover's Tale
by nikkithedead
Summary: Spurned by Rachel, a distraught Finn turns to Kurt for comfort. Kurt is willing to provide it for him, enamoured with the affection he receives from Finn. But whatever feelings Finn has for him, they come from a place much too dark to be love
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Anyone who has read my other stories will probably not like these. I rated it M for a good reason. **

**Despite the implications of the title, you should know now that this is not a love story. **

* * *

Chapter 1:

Finn had never meant to hurt Kurt- hadn't even realized that he had in fact hurt him until it was far too late. He had just been looking for comfort, for a way to feel better about it all…

But Kurt had resisted...Finn even remembered he had screamed. Finn felt sick as he thought about it, but it had happened.

Even if he had never meant for it to.

* * *

It had started right after he had broken up with Rachel. After what she had done with Puck, Finn had been sure she could never hurt him more than that.

But she had. She'd gotten him right in the gut, right where all his insecurities and vulnerabilities lay. When he'd heard, Finn was sure he felt a little something inside of him curl and fucking die.

"Dammit!" Finn screamed, slamming the door to his room and crashing onto his bed. His stomach felt like a gaping pit, and his thoughts raged around in his head. He wanted to shut them up, didn't want to think about it anymore.

"Dammit!" He screamed again, smashing his fist on his bed. It bounced back up ineffectually and he swore.

"Finn, are you ok?" Kurt asked, slowly peaking into his room.

"No. No I am not ok. Not at all." He said, sitting up.

"Whats wrong?" Kurt questioned, taking a seat next to Finn. He put his hand reassuringly on Finn's shoulder.

Finn glanced at Kurt, not sure he really wanted to talk about. "It's...it's Rachel." Finn said quietly, shocked at the lightening bolt of hurt he felt in his chest as he said her name. "She's...she's with Puck. Actually _with_ him. They're dating now."

He put his head in his hands and began to sob. He hated that she had been able to make him feel this way. He felt wild, desperate and lost. He couldn't take feeling like this.

Kurt cringed, moving his arm around Finn's shoulders. "Ouch."

"Why does this keep happening?" Finn sobbed into his hands. "Why do I keep losing the girls I love to_ Puck_?"

Kurt didn't respond. Didn't know how.

"Tell me the truth, Kurt." Finn said, lifting his head up and looking Kurt in the eye. "Am I disgusting? Am I just completely repulsive?"

"No! Not at all." Kurt insisted quickly. "Finn don't think that. Rachel's just desperate for attention, that's all. I guarantee that's why she's doing this."

"I'm going to die alone, aren't I?"

"Come on, Finn, don't do this. She's just one girl. One annoying girl. I am _sure_ there are plenty of girls in the school who are simply pining over you. And one of them must be better than Rachel."

Finn snorted. "Yeah, right. _You_ don't even like me anymore, remember?"

Kurt stiffened. "Well, in my defense, you sort of requested that I not like you."

Finn sighed. "I know. And I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to push you away..." He said quietly. Kurt stared at him, wondering where the hell he was going with this.

Finn thought for a moment. "Well, I did...but..I'm sorry about it." He finished, his face barely an inch away from Kurt's. Before Kurt knew what was happening, Finn had pressed his mouth against him and was kissing him forcefully. Hardly aware of what he was doing, Kurt kissed him back.

Finn put his arms around Kurt, sobbing desperately into their kiss. Kurt moved his head back, attempting to break the embrace, but Finn wouldn't let him. He just moved his head forward again, bringing their mouths back together with even more force than before, tears continuing to stream down his face.

Finally, Finn broke away from Kurt and gasped for air. Kurt said on the edge of the bed, numbly wondering what had just happened.

"I-I'm sorry..." Finn mumbled, holding his head in his hands again. Without another word, Kurt got up and left.

* * *

Blaine noticed that something was up with Kurt around the middle of the Warbler's practice. He was usually so energetic when he performed, and completely focused on hitting each note perfectly. Today he seemed distracted, barely bothering to make his voice heard.

"You ok?" Blaine asked when practice was over.

"Hmm?" Kurt said distantly.

"I asked you if you were ok..."

"What? Oh yeah. I'm fine. Why?"

"You just seem...I dunno, off somehow."

Kurt shrugged, and walked away without another word.

Blaine furrowed his brow in concern. That wasn't like Kurt at all. Usually he and Blaine hung out after practice, talking or going for coffee at a small cafe by the school. He never just...left.

* * *

When Kurt went home that day, he was prepared to find a distraught Finn cursing his name. He was prepared for Finn to scream and yell at him, calling him a fag and smashing things. He was prepared for Finn to avoid eye contact with him, and mumble that what had happened had been a huge mistake, before rushing up to his room and never speaking to him again.

He wasn't prepared for what happened.

Kurt was up in his room, trying and failing to concentrate on his homework, when he heard a knock at his door.

"Yes?" Kurt asked, without turning around. He heard a small sniff behind him, and knew it was Finn. Kurt stood and looked at him, surprised to find him looking just as sad as yesterday. Sad, but not angry.

"Finn what's wr-" Kurt began, but was cut off as Finn pushed him against the wall and shoved his tongue in his mouth.

Kurt moaned as Finn rammed his mouth into him, and tried to wrap his mind around what was happening, and how he felt about it. Finn was pinning his wrists up against the wall, and he was having a hard time thinking.

None of this made sense. Finn didn't like him. Had told him he didn't like him, several times and at varying volumes. He had spent a year telling himself that Finn would never want him, and he had to get over it.

And he had. He had gotten over Finn, and even moved onto Blaine.

But as Finn pushed himself against him with such force and desperation, Kurt couldn't help but revel in it. He had told himself he would never have Finn for so long, and yet here he was.

Finn took his hands off Kurt's wrist and moved his them over his body. Kurt gasped as he felt Finn move his hands between his legs, rubbing forcibly.

Part of him wanted to tell Finn to stop, that this, whatever it was, was moving much too fast. He wasn't ready, he was scared.

But he didn't tell him that. Didn't say anything at all, actually. Because another part of him wanted to see just how far this would go.

* * *

He and Finn lay together on his bed, naked and panting. Kurt's throat was sore, and his knee's were red with carpet burn. But as Finn reached over and pulled Kurt close, holding him tightly in his arms and stroking his matted hair, Kurt realized he didn't care.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Finn was shaking and he couldn't stop. He thought about what he had done with Kurt, and he felt sick. He had thought he would feel better, and while it was happening he had. It had been such a relief; to be so close to someone and to not feel so alone anymore, so rejected.

He closed his eyes, but opened them again quickly. The images of Kurt, sweating and gagging on his knees played in his mind like a lewd movie, intercut with flashes of Rachel and Puck, smiling and laughing, holding hands in the hallway.

He needed to get that out of his head. Needed them out of his head, forever. She didn't want him, fine. He would move on to someone who did.

* * *

Kurt drank a lot of tea the next day. His throat still felt raw, and he was thankful there was no Warblers practice. He was sure he wouldn't have been able to hit a single note.

If someone had asked him what he learned that day at school, he would have been unable to answer. He had gone to all his classes, taken out his books and pencils and appeared to be listening attentively, but he took no notes, and absorbed no information. His mind was somewhere else.

He tried to think about how he felt about what was happening with Finn. A few days ago he had barely ever even kissed someone and now...now it hard to think about what he'd done. It was hard to believe that had been him, but the aching in his throat told him it was.

He tapped his pencil against his desk, his eyes unfocused. He tried to sort out the facts in his head.

Finn was obviously very upset, and he had turned to Kurt for comfort. When he had kissed him, and held him...after...it had felt like he needed him. Finn needed him. Kurt had been so alone for so long, it felt nice to be needed.

He wasn't fitting in at Dalton, and didn't really have any friends. Sure, there was Blaine...but he had wanted Blaine as so much more than a friend, and Blaine had never showed any signs of returning his affection.

So where did that leave him? Right. Alone. Again.

Kurt sighed, and dimly noticed that the bell had rung. He slowly packed up his things, and left the classroom. In some small, unconscious part of his brain, he thought he heard someone say his name, but it hardly registered. He needed to see Finn again. He was sick of being alone.

* * *

Blaine couldn't believe Kurt would ignore him like that. He had waited for him after class, and called out his name when it looked like Kurt was going to walk right past him...and he had just kept walking.

He stood there for a while longer, stunned. Wes walked by and asked him if he was planning on taking up permanent residence in the hallway, but Blaine was too shocked to even fake a smile.

Had he done something to upset Kurt? He didn't remember doing or saying anything...last week he had told him his tie was crooked but he had been trying to help. If a teacher had seen it, he could have gotten a demerit. That couldn't be what this was about, could it?

He slowly walked to his car and drove home, trying to recall anything else he might have said or done to upset him. Kurt had always been so friendly with him, so chatty and eager. Blaine was beginning to think Kurt liked him, and he had sort of liked the thought of that. Kurt was smart and witty, and cute. Just as he had been thinking he liked Kurt too, whatever happened happened and now Kurt was walking straight past him in the hallways and sitting alone at lunch.

When he got home, he sent Kurt a message on Facebook.

* * *

To: Kurt Elizabeth Hummel

Subject: You OK?

Message: Hey Kurt, everything alright? I waited for you after class but I guess you didn't see me. Or hear me. Just making sure you're all right.

Love,

Blaine.

* * *

Blaine read and re-read his message, unsure if "Love, Blaine" sent the wrong message. He wanted to Kurt know he cared about him, and was there for him if he needed it. He pressed send.

* * *

As Blaine sent Kurt a concerned message on Facebook, Kurt was lying on his back on the carpet in Finn's room. Finn was currently tearing his Dalton blazer off, and undoing the buttons of his dress shirt with such ferocity that he heard a few of them pop. He wondered if Finn was always going to be this rough.

Just then, a familiar creeping between his thighs distracted him. With one hand Finn undid his belt and reached inside his pants with the other.

He sucked on Kurt's earlobe as he slipped his fingers beneath the waistband of his underwear. He took Kurt in his hand, and Kurt's eyes went wide. He tried to moan, but Finn smothered it with his mouth, kissing him brutally and vigorously pumping his hand up and down. Kurt whimpered, and rolled his eyes back into his head.

Finn was using such force that Kurt was shaking up and down on the floor, and his back burned from rubbing against the carpet. Kurt tried to reach up and run his fingers through Finn's hair, but Finn garbed his hand and pinned it down to the floor, kissing him even harder. Kurt thought if Finn pressed any harder on his mouth, his jaw would ripped off completely.

He was breathing heavily now and felt sore all over. He was a little shocked that he was lasting so long, as his experiences with himself had never taken more than 2 minutes to complete. He guessed it was the pain that was keeping him from finishing.

When he did finally come, it was with a shuddering gasp that ripped through his body. It felt like every fiber of his being was screaming with him. Finn collapsed next to him on the carpet, his face wet with perspiration. His fingers dripped with the result of Kurt's ecstasy, and he made Kurt suck it off of him, something Kurt did with wide, reluctant and embarrassed eyes. Finn had made him swallow the other day as well, and Kurt was more than a little resentful.

He wouldn't end up checking his Facebook for a few more days. When he finally saw the message Blaine had sent him, it left a pit in his stomache. Of course, now he cared. Now he showed affection. It didn't mean anything. Kurt was just another adoring fan to him, one who hadn't been as adoring lately. He scoffed at Blaine's closing. "Love, Blaine."

Blaine didn't love him, he was just the type of over-dramatic person who signed everything like that, tossing the word around like it had no weight to it. Blaine didn't love him. The only one who loved him it seemed, was Finn. And Finn wasn't afraid to show it.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I feel the need to make this incredibly clear: This story is in NO WAY a love story between Finn and Kurt. It is not anything close to a love story, and no one should mistake it for one. That is going to become very clear in this and the next chapter, so if you're expecting romance...you're in the wrong place. Sorry. **

* * *

Chapter 3:

Kurt stood in the shower, letting the hot water pulse over his body. He found he had been spending more and more time taking hot showers lately, and his Dad was beginning to get angry about how much hot water he used up.

Finn was growing more and more hungry in his advances, and it felt like he wasn't getting what he wanted. Kurt didn't see how that was possible, since he was giving him everything he asked for.

The last few times they had been together, Finn seemed almost bored. Kurt didn't know what else he was supposed to do, didn't know what he wanted from him. He done everything he had asked, but didn't seem to be enough.

He had let Finn inside of him, even when he hadn't wanted to. Had hardly even complained when Finn had added a second finger. He had let him push him to his knees and throw him to the floor, he had begged for more when Finn asked him too and gave Finn more when he told him too.

The hot water burned against the marks on his back, the signs of everything they had done over the past few weeks. He jumped as he heard a loud knock on the bathroom door, and hugged his arms around him. Half of him wanted it to be Finn, wanted his hands on his wet body to make him feel like he was whole again; the other half dreaded it.

"Kurt? Come on buddy, you've been in there for at least 40 minutes."

It was his Dad. Kurt sighed (with relief or disappointment?).

"Enough's enough, you could have sang 'Don't Cry for me Argentina' 9 times by now!"

Kurt smiled sadly to himself. It had been a few weeks since he'd sung in the shower.

* * *

"Finn, is everything alright?" Mr. Schuester asked, keeping the quarterback after class on Friday. "You seem upset lately."

Finn stared at his teacher, barely registering the words. "Yeah, I'm fine." He said blankly.

Will stared at him, taking in the dark circles under his eyes and the flat tone in his voice. This was not a boy who was fine, this was a boy who had something seriously wrong.

"Are you sure, Finn? If you're upset I'm happy to talk about whatever it is with you. I know that you and Rachel broke up a little while ago, is this because she's with Puck?"

Finn stood up violently at the mention of her name. "Look, we didn't break up, ok? She cheated on me. She didn't love me, and she didn't want me. She wanted Puck. The whole time, probably. They always want Puck. So we didn't break up, because we didn't have anything to break in the first place." He shouted, storming out of the room.

He ran out to his car and got behind the wheel, shaking it violently. Why did it have to be Puck? What was it about that asshole that girls seemed to love? Was it because he was mean to them, and didn't care what they wanted, because he treated them like dirt? Was that how you were supposed to show affection nowadays?

Finn turned on the ignition, driving home to the one person who did want him.

* * *

Kurt sighed, and lay down on his bed. He had gotten home from school before Finn again, something that hadn't happened in a few weeks. Usually Finn was there waiting for him.

He had had a test that day in school, and was sure he had failed. He hadn't studied, and the test might as well have been in chinese. And it was a french test. Kurt rolled over on his stomach. Well, he was pretty sure it had been a french test. All of his classes seemed to blur together now, and he could hardly tell them apart anymore. He just showed up, and zoned out.

He was exhausted. He looked at the clock on his wall. It was only 4:24, but Kurt thought he would just call it a night. His Dad had taken Carole to some concert downtown, and they were staying there for the night. Usually he would have loved to have the house to himself, but all he felt like doing now was sleeping.

* * *

Finn drove quickly, getting angrier and angrier as he went. Why had this happened? Why had stupid fucking Shuester had to bring it up? Why couldn't he just let him be. Everyone else left him alone, why did he have to be any different?

Finn smacked the steering wheel with his hand.

He had been getting more and more frustrated with Kurt lately. He knew it wasn't his fault, but no matter what they did, no matter what he made Kurt do, he just wan't getting that feeling he was after. He wanted to feel like he was with someone, truly _with _them was much as possible. He knew Kurt was trying, and he sometimes worried he might be too rough with him, but Kurt never complained.

They would just have to try harder. Finn would do whatever it took to get that feeling back, like he'd had the first time Kurt had sunk to his knees and taken him in his mouth. He had really been with him then, and he needed to be with him again.

No matter what.

* * *

Blaine stared at his computer screen, his internet browser open to Kurt's facebook page.

"Kurt Hummel" the page was now titled. Kurt had changed it the day he'd sent a reply to Blaine's message. Although it had been a few weeks since he'd received it, he opened it again, hoping it wouldn't seem so bad this time.

* * *

Between You and Kurt Hummel

Kurt Hummel:

ya im fine, guess i didnt see u

* * *

That didn't seem so bad on paper, sure, but it had wrenched through Blaine's stomach like a knife. It was so cold, so empty, so incredibly unlike Kurt.

The more he had analyzed it, the worse it had seemed. Kurt had always been the kind of person who used proper spelling and punctuation, even in text messages. It was just who he was.

The message told him nothing. It didn't tell him what was going on with Kurt, it didn't tell him if Kurt had really not seen him in hallway or if he had ignored him on purpose and it didn't tell him if it was something he had done.

But it told him so much.

* * *

Kurt awoke with a start at the sound of the front door slamming. He sighed. Finn was home. He closed his eyes again, trying to drift back into unconscious, when the door opened and Finn barged in.

"Not now Finn, I'm sleeping..." Kurt mumbled, waving his hand at Finn. Instead of closing the door and leaving, Finn ripped the covers off Kurt bed and grabbed him.

"Finn, stop. I don't want to, I'm tired." Kurt said, trying to shrug him off. Finn said nothing, he just pulled him close and kissed him with a painful intensity.

"Finn, stop it. You're hurting me." Kurt cried out.

But Finn didn't stop.

* * *

**A/N: This is going exactly where you think it's going. You have my permission to stop reading now. **


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

Kurt was sprawled out on the bed, naked and propped up on his hands and knees. He had stopped fighting quickly, seeing how useless it was. He was tired and upset, but Finn could do what he wanted and then he would go back to sleep.

Since Finn had stripped him down and arranged him on the bed as he was, Kurt assumed Finn was going to do something_ to_ him, as opposed to him doing something to Finn. Kurt couldn't imagine what Finn got out of this, nor could he think why he had been positioned in this way.

It wasn't until he heard Finn undo his own zipper than the realization dawned on him. His throat closed up and he tried to squirm away again, but Finn held his hips tightly in his hand. Kurt whimpered as he felt Finn's fingers scissor into him, making him wide.

He tried again to plead. "Please, Finn don't do th-" but it was cut off by his scream as Finn plunged into him.

Tears streamed down his face, and as Finn pulled back and then thrust himself forward, Kurt grabbed hold of the headboard in front of him and let out another agonized cry.

Finn was holding his hips tightly, and Kurt was sure he could feel himself ripping inside. He screeched and keened, trying to get away, to make the pain stop. He could feel himself spasming, closing up and trying to reject Finn.

Finn grunted above him and shook inside him. He could hear himself making horrible noises; noises that were animalistic and filled with anguish, but he couldn't stop.

Couldn't do anything but shriek and cry.

The pain was intense and unbearable but the worst part of it, the_ absolute most horrible part_ was that underneath the pain, there was pleasure. It burned and throbbed, and he fought against it, but in some twisted muted way that made him want to die, it felt _good._

Kurt felt sick, and he was sure he was going to vomit. Would Finn stop if he did?

Kurt gasped as sobs and Finn ripped through his body. It had only been happening for a few minutes, but the torture felt like an eternity. Soon he felt Finn stiffen, and now he cried out as he climaxed. Kurt could feel it inside him, feel the semen as it left Finn's body. Finn left him too, and Kurt curled up in a ball on his bed.

Kurt wept into his hands. His face was crusted with tears and saliva, and he felt disgusting. He wished he was dead.

Finn sighed, laying beside him on the bed.

* * *

Finn looked over at Kurt, who lay huddled in a ball next to him. He must have hurt him more than he had thought. He hadn't meant to, he just hadn't been able to stop. He inched over to him, and pulled Kurt into his arms. The smaller boy shivered as he touched him, but Finn ran his fingers through his hair and lay Kurt's head down on his shoulder, holding him tightly. Kurt put his arms around him and sobbed into his chest.

"Shh, it's gonna be ok Kurt. It's alright now." He whispered soothingly into Kurt's ear. Kurt stopped crying after a few minutes, and fell softly asleep in Finn's arms.

Finn guessed he really had been tired.

* * *

The next morning, Kurt woke up alone. Finn must have left sometime during the night, because Kurt knew Finn had been holding him when he'd fallen asleep.

He stiffly made his into his washroom, limping horribly as he went. He stayed in the shower for a record breaking time, unmoving as the burning water stung his skin. He stayed there, holding himself in his arms, placid and deathlike until the hot water turned to cold.

He moved out of the shower, not caring how mad his Dad would be about the hot water when he got home. He felt brittle and empty, like someone had used him all up and there was nothing left.

He got dressed slowly, wincing whenever he moved too fast or in the wrong way. He looked at his bed, and his throat closed up again. He could see himself there, stretched out on all fours like an animal, and he wanted to vomit. He turned away, and went to the linen closet to get new sheets.

As he stripped his bed, he noticed a few drops of blood, perfectly round and dark against the white sheets.

He took the sheets and put them in a garbage bag and on Monday before school, he dropped them off at the incinerator.

* * *

Finn must have realized he had hurt him, since he hardly touched him for the next few weeks. Or, hardly touched him like he used to.

One day after school, Finn came quietly into his room while Kurt was trying to do his homework. He lay down on the bed and stared at him until Kurt hesitantly went over to him. All he did was pull Kurt into his arms and kiss him softly. They lay there like that, gently holding each other and kissing sweetly, until Kurt heard the sound of his Dad and Carole come home. Then Finn got up and left.

Things stayed like that for the next two weeks, and the most physical they got was when Finn, obviously needing something more than light brushings of their lips, gently pushed Kurt's head down to his waist level. Kurt had complied without a word, since Finn had been so great lately. After that, Finn held him again. Kurt knew Finn had a rough way of showing his love, and he accepted that, but it was when Finn held him that Kurt felt it the most.

Kurt knew this wouldn't last forever, and sure enough he came home one Wednesday to find Finn in his room waiting for him, that familiar glint back in his eye.

He kissed Kurt with an open mouth as he removed his Dalton Blazer, and Kurt kissed back, afraid.

He lay Kurt on his stomach this time, and while he was more gentle than he had been the first time, it still hurt and there were a few instances where Kurt had to bite down on the pillow to keep from screaming.

This time, Finn sobbed into Kurt's hair and whispered his name as he came.

* * *

**A/N: Still not a love story, don't forget!**

**Wanna hear something **_**funny? **_**This isn't even the darkest chapter. **


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

A month later, Kurt's Dad and Carole were called into Dalton to discuss Kurt's grades. He had failed 4 tests, and was in danger of not passing two of his classes.

"We've also noticed a...change in Kurt recently." The school's academic manager, Mrs. Smithson, told them.

"We've noticed too, but we don't know what's wrong." Carole said. She sounded very upset. Burt wasn't saying anything.

"Has anything happened recently to upset him? Someone he knows moving away or dying? A fight with a friend, perhaps?"

Kurt sighed. He hated how they were speaking about him like he wasn't in the room. "I'm fine, really. I've just been having trouble focusing." He said impatiently.

"You're not fine." Burt said, speaking for the first time. "Something is very wrong. Why won't you let us help you Kurt?"

Kurt looked at the floor, avoiding the hurt look he knew was in his fathers eyes. "Because theres nothing to help. Everything's fine. If I promise to do better in school, can I go?"

Carole sighed and put her hand on Kurt's knee. "It's not just about your grades Kurt, we're worried about you."

Kurt stiffened. The gesture felt awkward to him. Too often a hand on his knee ended with him bent over the edge of Finn's bed. He jerked his knee away.

"We just want to help." She said, her voice quiet with hurt.

"I know, and I appreciate that. But I'm fine." Kurt said, still focusing intently on the floor. Why couldn't they just let this go? This wasn't what he needed right now.

"I'd like to meet with you two tomorrow to discuss Kurt alone." Mrs. Smithson said.

Kurt looked up. "What, why?"

"Because we're placing you on academic probation, and we need to discuss a way for you to make up your marks."

"Why can't I be there?" Kurt demanded. As annoying as them talking about him like he wasn't there was, the thought of them talking about him when he really wasn't there was even worse.

"I feel it will be more productive that way." She said curtly. It was obvious this was not a matter up for discussion.

* * *

Finn lay on his bed, staring at his ceiling. Kurt, his mom and Burt still weren't home and he was getting antsy. Not that he and Kurt would be able to do much with them home. But if Kurt was here, and he could touch him, it would be enough.

Finn was beginning to feel like he didn't exist unless he was touching Kurt in some way. He knew a lot of it was the control he had over Kurt. He could do whatever he wanted, and make him do what he wanted. Kurt was completely compliant. Even when he protested, he didn't mean it.

Some part of him knew what they were doing was wrong. In ways, it felt wrong. But he couldn't stop. Sometimes he thought it was the wrongness of it that he liked. The world was wrong, and sick, so why shouldn't they be?

Besides, it was a welcome distraction. The sex and everything they did together was a distraction in itself. Finn didn't have to be anyone when they were together, he didn't need to think or worry or work. He could loose himself inside Kurt and everything was ok. And when they weren't together, it was all he thought about. He hadn't thought about Rachel in almost a month.

* * *

Blaine paced around in the hallway outside Mrs. Smithson's office. He knew Kurt and his parents were in there and he wanted to try and talk to Kurt again when he came out. He had stayed away from him most of the time this past month, just speaking to him for a few minutes when he saw him at Warbler's practice. That is, the Warbler's practice's Kurt bothered to show up to. He knew Kurt was in danger of being kicked off the Warbler's too, and would have been already if it wasn't for Blaine convincing Wes not to. But he couldn't stop them forever, or much longer. Kurt was hardly ever there, and even when he was it was obvious that he was not concentrating on singing.

The door opened and Burt Hummel came out, followed by Kurt's stepmother Carole. Burt nodded when he saw Blaine and Carole offered a small smile.

"Hello Blaine honey. We haven't seen you in a while." She said. Blaine nodded.

"Yeah, Kurt and I haven't really been seeing much of each other lately." He said sadly.

Burt looked at him. "I take it you don't know what's wrong with him either?"

Before Blaine could answer, Kurt spoke up. He was so quiet, none of them had even noticed when he'd come out of the office.

"There is nothing wrong with me and I would appreciate it if you stopped talking to other people about me." He said, his eyes narrowed and angry.

Blaine's stomach sank. Kurt would never talk to him now. "I just wanted to make sure everything was alright." He said quietly. The words had no effect on Kurt.

"Let's go." He said to his parents, and stalked off down the hallway. Blaine leaned against the lockers, trying to keep from crying.

* * *

The ride home was torture. They kept trying to talk to him and get him to tell them what's wrong. He kept saying nothing was wrong, but they didn't believe him. Truthfully, he didn't think anything was really wrong. He was just tired, which was understandable since all his energy was taken up dealing with Finn's constant, never satiated sexual appetite. And he had a lot to think about, so classes had taken a back seat in his mind. Finn was also so sad, so needy, so alone. Kurt wanted to be there for him, but besides giving him his body, he didn't know how to.

In his mind, he and Finn discussed what was wrong and Finn confided in him, and then they made love. He knew it never happened like that in real life, but it didn't stop him from imagining several versions of that same scenario every day.

In real life, when Kurt asked Finn what wrong, Finn responded by sticking his hands down his pants, and conversation after that was very limited. And must to Kurt's disappointment, Finn never seemed interesting in holding him afterwards anymore. When he was finished, he got up, got dressed and left. Kurt had followed him into his room a few times to try and talk to him, but that just ended with Kurt once again on his knees. So Kurt just left him now.

And now he had Blaine to think about. He wished Blaine would stop acting like he cared, like he was truly concerned. He kept talking to him at Warbler's practice, and Kurt was finding himself skipping it more and more often. He couldn't focus on singing right now anyways, and Finn didn't like it when he came home so late. The longer Kurt made him wait, the more agitated and rough he was when they were together.

Not that roughness was always a bad thing. Whenever Finn hurt him, he always held him afterwards and to Kurt, that made the pain worth it. If he hurt him badly, it was possible he would be sweet and gentle for up to two days afterwards. So in that sense, Kurt didn't mind being hurt.

The actual penetration had stopped hurting a few weeks ago. But much to his displeasure, the moment it stopped hurting, it also stopped feeling good. Now he didn't feel anything. His body reacted the way it always had, growing stiff and feverish, and when Finn commanded him to, he came. But there was no real pleasure in any of it.

Just numbness.

He sighed and leaned his head against the car window. His Dad was still going on about how they cared for him and were worried, but he could barely hear them. He was numb to them as well.


	6. Chapter 6

**Warning: This is the darkest chapter of the story...so far.**

**This chapter contains themes of sexual humiliation and brutality. If you feel you are unable to handle that...you probably shouldn't be in the M section.**

* * *

Chapter 6:

The next day, Burt and Carole went back to the school to talk alone with Mrs. Smithson. Kurt went directly home, and just like he'd expected, Finn was waiting for him.

They went up to Finn's room, where Kurt immediately began undressing. Finn watched him closely. As he undid the buttons on his dress shirt, Finn surprised Kurt by speaking.

"Are you in trouble?" He asked, his eyebrows knitted together. Kurt stared at him, unsure he had heard him correctly.

"What do you mean?"

"Yesterday, my Mom and Burt went to your school. Are you in trouble? Don't stop undressing." He added, since Kurt had paused. He resumed his unbuttoning, while trying to answer Finn.

"I haven't been doing well in school. They're worried." He said quietly.

An odd expression came over Finn's face. "They're worried about you." He said blankly.

Kurt nodded, slipping his pants and underwear off together. He wrapped his arms around himself self consciously. "Apparently I haven't been myself lately." He said dryly.

"Oh." Finn said. He moved closer to Kurt and moved his arms to his side so he couldn't cover himself up. Kurt hated standing like this, naked and exposed. Finn knew that, which is why he made him do it.

Finn surveyed him, and Kurt assumed he was trying to decide what to do to him. Or what to have him do.

He felt his face grow hot, and he tried to cover himself back up with his arms, but Finn wouldn't let him.

Finn placed his hand on Kurt's stomach and Kurt whimpered. He hated it when he touched his stomach, it just seemed to reinforce how naked he felt. Finn whiped Kurt around suddenly, keeping his hand firmly on his stomach. His back was now pressed to Finn's front. Finn kissed the tip of his shoulder, lingering his mouth over it.

Kurt felt his heart beat quickly. This was different. Something was different, and he was afraid.

"Kurt, we're going to do something new today." Finn said quietly, continuing to caress his shoulder blade with his mouth. "I'm going to fuck you, hard. Do you understand."

That wasn't new. That's what always happened. Only the fact that they were talking about it was new. That, and Finn's soft caresses. That was new, and Kurt was scared.

"I said, do you understand?" Finn repeated, this time with more force. Kurt nodded.

Finn moved his mouth up to Kurt's neck, and Kurt could feel his hot breath as he spoke. "_Tell me_ you understand."

"I-I understand." Kurt stuttered, his heart racing.

Finn kissed his neck, nuzzling it with his mouth. "Good. Theres more. I'm going to fuck you hard, and it's going to hurt. Ok?"

Kurt could feel tears coming to his eyes. "Ok..."

Finn moved his hand down his stomach now, and took Kurt in his hands. Kurt stiffened against him. "When I fuck you, and it hurts, you're not going to ask me to stop..."

"I-I-I" Kurt started, but was cut off by Finn tightening his grasp painfully.

"Did I tell you to speak? No. Now, you're not going to ask me to stop, but instead, you're going to _beg _me to fuck you even _harder_. Do you understand?"

Kurt nodded without thinking, and Finn tightened his grasp again.

"_Tell me_ you understand." He breathed against his throat, sucking softly at the skin there.

Tears fell freely down his face now and he tried to gasp for enough breath to answer with. "I-I und-derst-t-tand." he choked out. He could feel Finn's lips form into a smile against his neck. He ran his tongue along Kurt's neck and Kurt shuttered.

"Good. Now, undress me." Finn said letting go of Kurt. Kurt's eyes widened in surprise. Finn had always undressed himself. "You heard me. Go."

Kurt slowly unbuttoned his flannel t shirt, exposing the skin underneath. His fingers were numb and stiff, and working the buttons took a while, but Finn seemed patient. Frighteningly patient.

With trembling fingers, he removed Finn's pants and underwear. Once he was done, Finn had him remove something from the pocket of his jeans. It was a small bottle of lubricant, and Kurt was instructed to apply it on him.

His fingers continued to tremble as he applied the lubricat on Finn's already sizeable erection. Finn stopped him quickly before he could use much lubrication, and took the bottle back. Then he turned it upside down, and emptied it over Kurt's body.

The lubricant dripped down his shoulders and back and Kurt shuddered at the feeling. It was cold and slimy, and he felt tears spring back to his eyes. Before he could ask Finn why he'd done it, Finn forced him up against the wall and with no warning, pushed his way inside him.

Kurt gritted his teeth at the initial discomfort, and tried to adjust to feeling of Finn inside of him. Finn kissed the back of his neck, grunting in his ear. "You ready?" He said.

Before Kurt could answer, Finn forced them both to the ground. He was now on his hands and knees on the carpet, and Finn gripped his hips behind him. When Finn moved back and then thrust himself forward again, Kurt cried out and tried to steady himself by placing one hand on the wall in front of him.

Finn continued with this level of forcefulness and Kurt bit down on his lip to keep from crying out again. As Finn rammed himself deeper and harder than he had ever been, it took every inch of his will power now to beg him to stop, please god just stop.

The pain was back, certainly, but he was too afraid and felt too slimy to even think about pleasure.

Finn jerked himself roughly up inside him, and Kurt couldn't hold back his cry. A gut wrenching scream escaped his lips, but Finn just tangled his fingers in his hair and yanked his head back. Kurt gasped in protest.

"Want me to stop?" Finn asked, grunting his words out. His voice was deep and malicious.

He did want him to stop. Very much so. But he remembered what they talked about. "No." Kurt gasped. "F-fuck me harder."

Finn slowed for a minute, moving his fingers gently through his hair. "Are you sure?" He asked softly.

Kurt was crying again. He hated himself, hated what he was doing. "_Please Finn,_" he whimpered.

"Please what?" Finn asked in a thick voice.

"_Please fuck me harder!_" He cried. Finn complied, lifting Kurt up and twisting him around without ever leaving him. Kurt screamed, and tried to adjust to the new position. Finn gave him no time, moving faster and harder than ever.

Kurt screamed and cried more, and all the while still found himself begging Finn for more. What was wrong with him? Why did he do this?

But he knew why. The pleasure was back again, racking through his body just as the pain ripped through it.

He came with an awful shudder and at the same time, Finn left him, and released himself over Kurt's body. Kurt mewled pathetically, wiping tears and semen from his eyes as he fell back on the floor.

Finn did the same across from him, trying to catch his breath.

Finn breathed deeply and rubbed his temples. He reached over and picked up the pile of clothes that belonged to Kurt, throwing them at him before dropping his head back onto the floor.

"Now get the fuck out." He said plainly. Kurt picked up his clothes and left quietly.

He was sore, almost as sore as he'd been the first time. And he was sticky, covered with Finn and lubricant. Even if he had wanted to, he wouldn't have know the words to describe how awful and disgusting he felt then, quietly hugging his clothes to his grimy body as he stiffly made his way back to his room. He hoped there were no words for how he was feeling now. He didn't want it to be real, and if there was a word for it, then it would be real.

Not bothering to clean himself up, he walked into his room and collapsed into his bed. He wrapped himself in his blankets and lay underneath them, curled into the fetal position.

He didn't know the words for how he felt, but he did know that he hated himself; truly hated himself.

But he didn't hate Finn.

He cried to himself, sobbing into his pillow, and asked himself why.

_Why._

* * *

**A/N: Oh my god.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

As Kurt was slowly undressing himself in front of Finn, Blaine was still at school. Miss. Peterson, his english teacher, had called him into her office.

"Am I in trouble?" He asked nervously. He went over everything he had said and done over the past few weeks, trying to think of what offense he could have possibly committed.

"No, Blaine. You're not in trouble."

"Oh. Good."

"I wanted to talk to you about Kurt Hummel, actually."

"Oh." Blaine repeated, leaving off the "good" this time.

"I know you're friends with him, and well, frankly I'm worried. Every one of his teachers is, of course. I suppose I don't need to tell you how he's changed lately."

Blaine nodded.

"Well, I know his parents are here now speaking to Mrs. Smithson about his academic responsibilities and I've already brought this to them but...I wanted you to see it to. Maybe its out of my place, but once you see what I have to show you, you'll understand why I feel so compelled to do something. Since your his friend, I was hoping maybe you could speak to him about it." She said, sounding very worried.

"Ok, I'll see what I can do but Kurt and I...well, we haven't been close lately. He hasn't been close to anyone lately." He said sadly.

Miss. Peterson nodded. "I understand...but have a look at this anyways. It's the poem he submitted for an assignment due today. At first, I was pleased he'd actually _done_ the work but then...well, then I read it. It's...disturbing."

She handed Blaine a piece of paper, with a short poem written on it. Blaine read the poem, his hands making the paper tremble. The poem was called "Lover's Tale".

_Blood drops on the sheets;_

_Symbols of your affection_

_I lie torn and tangled inside them_

_You cleave into me; aching to consume_

_I arch my back; aching to be consumed._

"It's a beautiful poem, and maybe if someone else had written it I wouldn't be so concerned but...given his recent personality shift, I simply cannot ignore something like this."

Blaine nodded. He felt a little like vomiting. What was _happening_ to his friend?

* * *

By the time Blaine was reading the poem he had written, Kurt would have been shoved up against the wall with Finn pressing roughly inside him.

It was an hour later now, and Kurt was lying half asleep inside his own covers. The lubricant Finn had poured on him was crusting over his skin, mixed with semen, sweat and tears. He wanted desperately to fall asleep, to drop off into some black abyss where he couldn't feel the grime covering his body, but sleep wouldn't come. Not completely.

In the back of his mind, he heard the phone ring. A moment later, there was a knock at his door.

"Uh, Kurt you awake?" His father asked, peaking into the room. Kurt stiffened under his covers. Go away, go away, go away, he thought.

"Blaine's on the phone, Kurt." His father continued quietly. Christ. Why couldn't Blaine get the goddamned message and leave him alone already?

"I don't want to talk to him." Kurt mumbled quietly, but loud enough for his father to hear him.

"Blaine, I'm sorry but he's asleep right now. Could you call back later?"

"I won't want to talk to him later, either..." Kurt growled. His dad ignored him.

"Kurt, Blaine says it's important."

"I said that I DO NOT WANT TO FUCKING SPEAK WITH HIM!" Kurt shouted. He knew Blaine would of heard him, and he hoped that was finally enough for him to get it through his head that they were not friends anymore.

Burt closed the door and Kurt heard him tell Blaine that he just wasn't feeling right, right now. Kurt closed his eyes, and was finally able to fall asleep.

* * *

Blaine sat his desk, still staring at the phone. He blinked back tears. Kurt sounded so angry, so bitter. He couldn't understand what happened.

What had happened to the boy who had smiled and laughed when he'd sung Teenage Dream to him?

What had happened to the boy who joked that it wasn't fair for him to have a monopoly on the world's supply of hair gel?

What happened to his beautiful friend, who he'd grown so close to. Grown to love.

Blaine thought of his poem, "Lover's Tale". _Blood drops on the sheets; Symbols of your affection._

Where had that boy gone. Was he dead now? Was he lost forever?

_I lie torn and tangled inside them._

What did that mean. Had someone hurt him? Blaine put his head in his hands. Who could it have been about? _What _could it have been about?

_You cleave into me; aching to consume._

The poem was disturbing, Miss. Peterson had been right about that. To Blaine, it seemed it could only be about one thing. The first four lines certainly seem to suggest it. Blaine felt sick at the thought, sick to think someone had hurt Kurt like that. It seemed like that was what it was about...until Blaine got to the last line of the poem. The part that disturbed him the most, the part that confused and scared him:

_I arch my back; aching to be consumed._

"You need to see a councilor." Burt told his son. Kurt was sitting on the couch, his legs and arms crossed and Burt and Carole were across from him. Upon his fathers request (demand) Kurt had gotten out of bed and joined them for dinner. He had cleaned himself up in the shower first, but he could still feel the dirt and grime clinging to his body. That wasn't new though; he always felt dirty now.

Kurt stared at his father in disbelief. "I need to what?" He screeched.

"A councilor. We spoke to Mrs. Smithson, and your teachers will let you make up your grades and assignments on the condition that you attending meetings with the school guidance councillor at least twice a week."

Kurt tried to control his voice as he answered. "Fuck no."

Burt blinked, trying not to let the words shock him. "It's not up for debate, Kurt. You're doing real bad right now. Not just in school either. If you won't talk to me or Carole about it, then you're going to have to talk to someone."

"I...I, I'm fine!" He cried. Why couldn't they just leave him the fuck alone?

"What's going on?" Finn asked, coming down the stairs.

"Your brother's going to see a councillor on account of how he's failing two classes, not to mention worrying everyone who cares about him." Burt said, staring at Kurt. Kurt rolled his eyes.

Finn snorted. "A councillor? I doubt that'll fix him. He's fucked up."

Kurt stiffened. Finn...wouldn't tell them, would he? He couldn't. They'd both be in trouble.

"Finn, that's not very nice." Carole said. Finn laughed again. It was a sick noise, and Kurt felt like crying. Why was he like this? Had he done something to offend him?

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I hurt the princesses feelings?" Finn asked in a biting tone. Kurt cringed.

"Finn, Kurt is going through a tough time right now and it would be nice for his brother support him." Burt said, his tone sharp.

Finn rolled his eyes. "Oh, Kurt's going through a tough time? Excuse me, I am so sorry." He said, storming back upstairs.

"Kurt, I'm sorry. I don't know what's gotten into him." Carole said.

Kurt shrugged, pretending he didn't care. "I...it's fine." He said quietly.

* * *

Finn lay on his bed, his eyes shut tight. For a few minutes he was worried someone would come up and try and talk to him. But no one came.

Of course not. They wouldn't leave Kurt in his time of need. Finn felt sick. Kurt's grades slip a little and he stops prancing around all the time like a goddamned fairy, and it's a national emergency. Finn get's his heart ripped from his fucking chest, and the only thing that makes him feel better is fucking his goddamned _step-brother_, and no one notices. No one bats an eyelash.

Finn groaned, and rubbed his eyes. He felt disgusting. Almost always did after he fucked Kurt. It helped when he was doing it, but afterwards he couldn't help but feel dirty. He knew he should stop, but what else could he do? No one else gave a fuck, at least Kurt was willing.

He knew that meant he should probably take a little easier on him, treat him with more respect, but he couldn't help feeling like if Kurt was a little less of a drama queen then maybe someone would pay attention to _him_ for once. What was he so upset about, anyways? He got off from it too, didn't he? Always.

Even if he screamed, he always came just as hard as Finn did, and he loved it.

* * *

**A/N For the record, the parts of the story that are from Kurt's perspective (And Blaine's and Finn's respectively) are from their perspective. What they see. So if it seems like Burt and Carole aren't paying much attention to him, that doesn't mean they aren't, he just isn't noticing. **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I know this story is labeled "Tragedy" but I really meant that because of the tragic events which take place in this story. It may not be an actual "tragedy". **

* * *

Chapter 8:

Blaine paced around the boys locker room, waiting for the sound of the shower to turn off.

He needed to talk to Kurt, which meant he needed to get him when he couldn't run away.

He knew Kurt had gym last period, and from listening to the gossip of the boys who had gym with him, he knew Kurt always waited until everyone else had left the locker room before he took his shower. The other guys figured it had something to do with his being gay, and they didn't bug him about it.

He heard the water stop, and the sound of footsteps leaving the shower area, and his heart raced. Kurt rounded the corner, a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair matted against his forehead. When he saw Blaine, he froze.

"We need to talk." Blaine said immediately. Kurt just stared at him, with an odd expression on his face. It was like he was trying to assess what Blaine wanted.

"A-about what?" Kurt said nervously, moving slowly over to his locker.

Blaine was about to answer, when he got a look at Kurt's back. He sucked his breath in and felt his stomach drop and his eyes swell with tears.

Bruises covered the length of Kurt's back, blossoming out around his hips and shoulders. Several of them were vaguely hand shaped, and appeared to be gripping his pale shoulders and hips.

_...Blood drops on the sheets; Symbols of your affection…_

It was true. He could barely process it in his mind, but it was true.

Kurt must have noticed Blaine staring at him, and he quickly turned his back to face the lockers where Blaine couldn't see it.

"Kurt, what happened?" Blaine asked. His voice was thick and scared, filled with emotions Blaine wouldn't have been able to name.

For a moment, Blaine thought Kurt was going to deny that anything had happened; brush him off and insist he was fine like he always did. But then Kurt broke.

He put his face in his hands and began to sob. "I-I-I..." he stammered. Blaine went and put his arm around his sobbing friend, and they sat down on the bench together.

"Kurt, you need to tell me," Blaine said, trying to keep his voice even. It wouldn't help if he lost it too. "Who did this to you?"

Kurt gasped for air, trying to find space between his racking sobs to answer. "H-he didn't m-mean to. H-he's j-just rough sometimes. H-he l-loves me..." Kurt said, choking on the word.

Blaine thought of the bruises on Kurt's back. Now that he was so close he could see other marks as well; there was hickey's, sores and bite marks on his neck, and along his ear lobes. His nipples were red and raw looking. He could see a few dozen half moon shaped scars, like someone dug their nails into his skin, littered around his body. Some of the marks were more visible then others. Kurt had been hiding them with cover up, but the shower had washed most of it off.

Blaine looked at beautiful, broken friend and tried not to cry. "Kurt, whoever did this to you...they don't love you."

Kurt continued to weep and leaned his head on Blaine's chest. "B-but he needs me, I h-help him."

"Then why does he hurt you?"

"I t-told you he doesn't mean it...he just...he...oh god." Kurt moaned, dissolving back into tears.

"Kurt, who did this to you?" Blaine asked again. Kurt lifted his head off Blaine's chest a bit and looked at him, his eyes wide and sad.

"F-finn..." He whispered.

Blaine's mouth went dry. "Finn? As in your _brother?_"

Kurt narrowed his eyes. "He's my step-brother, we're not actually related you know."

"I know, I just...how long has this been happening for?" Blaine continued.

Kurt bit his lip and shrugged. "I don't know...a few months, maybe?" Kurt said, tears springing back into his eyes. "Why do you care, anyways?"

Ouch. That stung. "Because I'm your friend, Kurt." He lowered his eyes. "I like you...I'm worried about you..."

"How could you like me?" Kurt asked, his voice empty and dark.

"What do you mean?" Blaine asked.

"I mean_ how_ could you like me? What's to like."

Blaine stared at him. "A lot of things, Kurt. You're my friend...you're funny, and witty and sweet and talented and...you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen..." He mumbled, unsure if that last part of inappropriate.

Kurt's face began to crumple, and Blaine put his arms back around him. "No, I'm not. I'm not any of that." He cried, pressing his head back against Blaine's chest. His body racked up and down as he sobbed even harder. "You c-an't like me Blaine. I'm n-no good."

Blaine put his arms around Kurt. He wasn't making any sense. "What do you mean, Kurt?"

Kurt keened against him.

"Y-you wouldn't like me if you knew, Blaine." He cried. "You wouldn't l-like me if you knew what I'd d-done..."

Blaine didn't know what to say. He felt sick and dizzy. He just held Kurt tightly in his arms, trying to think of something, anything to say to Kurt to make him feel better. Kurt's face was sobbing against his chest, and his hands were in his lap. Just as he was becoming extremely aware that Kurt was half naked in a towel, he felt Kurt's hands move slowly towards the area between his legs.

He jerked away from Kurt and stared at him, confused. Kurt, realizing what he'd done, cried harder.

"Y-you see? I'm n-no good...I d-didn't even realize...I didn't think...I thought that's what you wanted." He moaned, his hands covering his tear streaked face.

Blaine placed a hand tentatively on Kurt's shoulder. "Why would you think that's what I wanted? That's not why I'm here."

"B-but you said you liked me. Why_ else_ would you be here."

Blaine looked at Kurt, who seemed to genuinely not understand. "Kurt, that's not what I want from you. I want to help you."

"How?" Kurt said, trying to dry his tears on the back of his hand. Blaine took out the red handkerchief he kept in his breast pocket and handed it to Kurt, who wiped the tears off his face.

He tried to give it back to Blaine, but Blaine held up his hand. He gave Kurt a small smile. "Keep it. I've sort of been waiting my entire life to give that to someone."

"So you're the big strong prince whose going to rescue the damsel in distress?" Kurt said weakly.

Blaine shook his head. "You're not a damsel in distress, Kurt. You're stronger than that. I know you are." He added when Kurt shook his head. "We're going to fix this together."

"How?" Kurt repeated.

"First we need to tell someone..." Blaine began. Kurt cut him off.

"No, we're not telling anyone." He said angrily.

"But Kurt, you need hel-"

"I don't care. I'm not saying anything. If you do, I'll deny it." He snapped.

Blaine decided not to point out the fact that the marks on his body would be proof enough. He didn't want to force Kurt into anything he didn't want to do...it seemed like there'd been enough of that already.

Blaine sighed. He wanted to help so badly, to make everything better for Kurt, but beyond telling someone, he didn't know what to do.

"You need to end what's happening with Finn." He said quietly.

Kurt looked at his hands. "I can't Blaine. He...He's all I have."

"That's not true. You have me." Blaine said.

Kurt shook his head. "I hardly see you anymore Blaine."

Blaine stared at Kurt. How had things gotten so warped in his mind? "That's because you've been pushing me away Kurt. You've pushed everyone away."

"They don't want me anyways." Kurt said, standing up violently. He went to his locker and began to get dressed. Blaine looked away to give Kurt some privacy as he changed, and he thought he heard Kurt chuckle humorlessly.

"They do want you Kurt. Come to Warbler's practice tomorrow, you'll see how happy everyone is that you're back."

Kurt buttoned up his shirt and looked at the ground. "I can't. The practice is after school tomorrow. If I'm not home quickly, Finn gets upset."

"So? Please come to practice, Kurt." Blaine begged. Kurt sighed.

"I'll see." He said mutely.

"Please Kurt. Promise me you'll come."

Kurt looked Blaine in his beautiful light brown eyes. "I promise."

The next day, he didn't show up.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

Kurt slumped into his bed, taking off his clothes and throwing them on the floor once he was under the covers. He knew he should have gone to the warbler's practice...he had promised Blaine but...it wasn't a good idea.

Sure, Blaine said he cared _now_. But he didn't know. Kurt was sure that if he knew, that it would be it for him. Blaine existed in a little bubble perfection, where everything was nice and easy and good. Kurt didn't fit into that bubble. The things he'd done didn't fit into that bubble.

The faster Blaine realized that, the easier it would be when he abandoned him.

Besides, like he'd said; when he kept Finn waiting, it was worse. After how he'd been lately, Kurt wasn't sure he'd be able to take "worse". He was sore, covered in bruises, and he ached in the worst places.

Surprisingly, Finn wasn't there when he got home. He figured he had an hour or so to sleep before Finn got there and needed him again. He wondered what they were going to do today. That was certainly one thing you could say for Finn, he was never boring. Every time Kurt thought he wouldn't be able to come up with anything new for them to do, thought they'd done everything possible, he had some new position or some new way of doing things.

Kurt mentally went over everything they'd done; Finn had fucked him on all fours, on his stomach, with his legs bent around Finn's shoulders, sideways, backwards and in what seemed like a million other complicated positions that Kurt still couldn't remember how he had been able to twist into. No, that wasn't true. He remembered how he'd got into them; painfully. That wasn't all, either. Finn had a taste for changing where they did it too. Kurt gotten fucked in his bed, bent over the bed, bent over his desk, on the floor, with his hands against the wall, with his back against the wall, in the shower, and one very surprising time, bent over the kitchen table.

He wasn't even counting oral sex or the ways Finn had finger fucked him, either. That was a whole new list.

As he thought about these things, he was sure he was right about Blaine. If he'd known any of that, he wouldn't have tried to talk to him in the locker room yesterday.

He sighed, trying to fall asleep. He was too tired for this stuff. He heard the front door open and he groaned. Finn was home.

He heard Finn come upstairs and then the door to his room opened. Kurt was facing away from him and he sighed as he felt the bed sink with Finn's weight.

"Listen, I'm really tired right now, so anything you're doing your doing while I'm in this position. I am not moving." He said, hoping Finn didn't argue with him.

"It's not Finn." Blaine said quietly. Kurt sat up straight, his eyes wide.

"How the heck did you get in here?" He asked.

"Front door was open." Shit, had he really done that?

"Oh." Kurt said quietly.

"Would you...would you really let him do that to you, even though you were tired?" Blaine asked, his eyes downcast. Kurt laughed. It was a dark sound that had no traces humor in it.

"'Let' isn't really a thing with Finn. It's more like, he tells me what to do and I do it. And if I don't, I do it anyways."

Blaine looked like he was going to vomit. "That's...that's not ok, Kurt."

Kurt sighed. "What are you doing here, Blaine?"

"You missed Warbler's practice." Blaine whined. He sounded so pathetic, Kurt almost felt bad. But he remember how Blaine was going to ditch him once he knew, and grew stoney again. The sooner it happened the better.

"Sorry Blaine, but I told you yesterday that Finn gets angry if I keep him waiting. And since he's not exactly gentle when he's _not_ angry, I really didn't feel like having my legs ripped open again. I'm still recovering from earlier this week..."

"Kurt please..." Blaine said, looking like he was about cry. Kurt looked away. He needed to make him understand.

"I know thats hard for you hear, but it's true Blaine. And it's hardly out of the ordinary for him to fuck me like that either." Kurt said, trying to keep his tone biting. Blaine looked like he'd been slapped. Kurt told himself he didn't care, and continued. "I told you yesterday Blaine, I'm no good. You won't like me when you know. I know it, and you know it."

Blaine shook his head. "That's not true. I'll care about you no matter what."

"Right. No matter what? No matter that I don't have a gag reflex anymore, because of how much Finn's shoved his dick down my throat? No matter that Finn's been fucking me for over a month now, bending me over and _ramming_ himself into me. He's always impressed with how tight I am." Kurt sneered. This was harder than he'd thought it would be. Hurting Blaine like this was killing him. He knew he had to do it though. Blaine needed to stop kidding himself about saving him. There was nothing left to save. He continued. "And no matter how much I _liked_ it? How I _begged _him to hurt me some more. How I came so_ hard_ when he did? That doesn't matter?"

Blaine looked at him, his face streaked with tears but his eyes dry. Kurt sucked his breath in, waiting for Blaine to tell him how fucked up he was.

He waited for him to tell him he disgusted him

Waited for him to tell him he was horrible and repulsive, and he wanted nothing to do with him.

But Blaine didn't say that. Didn't say anything. Instead, he leaned forward and kissed him softly on the lips.

Kurt moved his head backwards, scared. Blaine didn't follow him, didn't force him to kiss him again. Kurt breathed heavily. "W-why did you do that?" He stammered.

Blaine looked at him sadly. "Because none of that matters Kurt. I know you're saying it to scare me off, and I'm not going to lie, I'm scared. But I'm not going to leave you, and I'm not going to stop loving you."

Kurt felt his eyes fill with tears. This was _not_ something he had been prepared for. "How could you love me?" He said, breaking down again. He put his head in Blaine's lap, sobbing uncontrollably. "How could you love me? I'm wrong. I'm bad. I...you can't love me."

Blaine stroked Kurt's hair. "You're not wrong Kurt. You're not bad. You're in a bad place right now, but it's not who you are. You're good, and sweet and beautiful. And I love you." He said simply.

Kurt sobbed even harder. "I'm not..I'm not good. You can't love me."

Blaine lifted Kurt's head up and kissed him again, just as softly as before. "But I do."

Just then, the front door slammed open and both boys jumped. Kurt's eyes went wide. "Finn."

They sat frozen as they heard Finn coming up the stairs, yelling something about the goddamned front door being unlocked. Kurt turned to Blaine. "You need to go." He said, getting out of bed and pulling Blaine up with him.

"What? And leave you with him? No way."

"You need to. The longer you're here the worse it will be for me, ok? I can handle him." Kurt said, shoving him towards his bedroom door. Suddenly Finn was there, and he didn't look happy.

"What the fuck is _he_ doing here?" He growled, jerking his thumb at Blaine.

"He was just leaving." Kurt said hurriedly. He lead Blaine by the hand to his front door, barely noticing that he was only in his boxers. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, ok?" He said, before closing the front door in Blaine's face.

He took a deep breath and went back upstairs to Finn.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

Finn couldn't believe Kurt. He was with someone else, in his bed, in his underwear.

Not just anyone else, either. It was the smarmy shit he went to school with, _Blaine_. What kind of a yuppie name was _Blaine_ anyways? Why was it people kept choosing guys with dumb fucking names over him?

Kurt appeared in the doorway, looking afraid. Finn ground his teeth together, and tried to keep his voice calm. It was difficult; the scared guilty look on Kurt's face was telling him more than he wanted to know.

"What was he doing here?" Finn asked, in tone he thought at least resembled calm.

"He was just...he was worried. I told him I'd go to warbler's practice, and then I didn't show up."

Worried. Of course. Everyone was worried about Kurt. Poor, fragile Kurt.

"Maybe if you weren't such a goddamned victim all the time, people wouldn't worry so fucking much, hmm?" He said. Kurt looked hurt, and he felt bad. He shouldn't have said that. It was true, but he knew Kurt didn't do it on purpose.

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean that..." he said through clenched teeth. "Is it that it?"

Kurt nodded. Finn didn't believe him. If that was it, why did he look so afraid? He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

He would find out the truth.

He walked over to Kurt and kissed him on the mouth. Kurt shuddered in response, and kissed him back. Finn led him over to the bed, and lay Kurt on his stomach. Softly kissing Kurt on the back of his neck, reached into his pocket and pulled out the small bottle of lubricant he had in it. He put some on two of his fingers, and then gently pulled down Kurt's boxers and moved into him.

He smiled as Kurt arched his back and moaned; he loved this, having this control over Kurt's body. But this wasn't about that now, this about answers.

Moving his fingers in a slow, rhythmic pace, Finn continued to kiss the back of Kurt's neck, moving his mouth up to whisper in his ear.

"Are you fucking him, Kurt?" he asked softly. Kurt's eyes grew shocked and wide.

"W-what? No!" He said. Finn wanted to believe him. Truly, he did. But there was this shouting in his head that Kurt was lying. Kurt had been fucking Blaine the _whole time_. He jerked his hand roughly upwards, and Kurt gasped in pain.

He'd never wanted Finn. He'd wanted Blaine. The whole. Fucking. Time.

"Yeah? You sure?" Finn said, moving his hand faster now. Kurt's eye lids fluttered quickly; he was trying to stay alert, trying not to give into the pleasure Finn knew his stroking was causing him. "You're not doing anything with him?"

There. He'd seen it. Something in Kurt's eyes, some flash of panic. They'd done something. Maybe they hadn't fucked but they'd done _something._

"What'd you let him do to, Kurt?" He seethed, never ceasing his movements. He couldn't believe he's been so fucking_ stupid_, again. He thought Kurt cared. No one else cared but he had thought Kurt did.

But he was just like Quinn.

Just like Rachel.

"Did you let him suck you off? Did he finger fuck you? Was it nice? Was he fucking _gentle_?" Finn's eyes flashed about dangerously, and he wrenched his hand vehemently forward once more. Kurt let out a groan that was closer to a scream.

"No, Finn it's not like that...ahh" Kurt stammered.

"Shut up." He said, yanking himself out of Kurt. Kurt gasped at the new emptiness and rolled over on the bed, pulling his boxer's back up. Finn grabbed him and pulled him towards him on the bed, kissing him rougly. He put his hands on Kurt's hips and held him tightly. Kurt tried to squirm away, and it made him even angrier.

"Maybe you did something for him, huh? Did you suck his dick, Kurt? I bet when you swallowed for him, you didn't do with those wide, hurt Bambi eyes either..."

Kurt whimpered. "Finn, I swear we didn-"

"I said, shut THE FUCK UP!" Finn roared. Before he knew what had happend, he had reached his hand back and brought it across Kurt's pale face, hard. Kurt rolled backwards off the bed, and slammed his head against his bedside table. He moaned and blinked his eyes rapidly.

Finn stood there, frozen. He couldn't move, couldn't believe what he'd just done. "Kurt, I..." He began, not knowing what to say. He had actually hit him. He'd never hit anyone before, except in a fair fight.

He had hit his small, defenseless step-brother.

Panic swelling in his body, he ran from the room.

* * *

Blaine sat alone in a booth in Breadstix, trying not the hear the song "Roxanne" by the Police in his head.

Trying not to think about what Finn could be doing to Kurt right now. Not thinking about how Finn's hands might be all over Kurt's body, might be reaching_ inside _Kurt's body at this very moment…

No. He wouldn't think about that.

Kurt's words came back to him, and he thought of how he'd brushed them off. Kurt had said he liked it, but Blaine could see what he'd been doing. He knew Kurt didn't want any of it. It had been easy not to care when they were words.

It wasn't easy now.

_...been fucking me for over a month now…_

He couldn't believe those words had come from the pretty pink mouth of Kurt Hummel. The same Kurt who'd blushed when Aaron Brookes had told them about a hand job he'd gotten from a girl in Hot Topic?

_...ramming himself into me…_

God, he could picture it now too. He felt disgusting. He knew now what Kurt meant when he said he wouldn't like him anymore, if he knew what he'd done. Every fibre in his being was telling him to get the fuck out, that he was in too deep and didn't want to be a part of this.

_...always impressed with how tight I am…_

He shut his eyes tightly and tried to clear his head. He wasn't going to leave Kurt, wasn't going to hold it against him that he had a sociopath for a step-brother.

He couldn't help it now. Roxanne was blasting in his head in 5.1 digital surround sound.

* * *

"I fell down the stairs." Kurt said mutely the next morning. He couldn't believe he'd actually said it.

His father stared at him for a moment, and burst into tears. Kurt had seen his father cry once and only once; at his mother's funeral. The sight wrenched through his body. His father was _not_ supposed to cry.

"Kurt, I can't do this anymore..." He said, his hands holding his sobbing face. Kurt stood stiffly beside him, not sure what to do.

"I'm fine, Dad, really. I just tripped..." he tried lamely. Burt slammed his hand down on the kitchen table and Kurt jumped.

"Dammit Kurt I know that's not true. Why won't you tell me what's going on with you?"

"Nothins going on Dad..." He said quietly, looking at the floor.

"Bullshit. Kurt. Please tell me...is someone hurting you?" He asked. Kurt looked up now.

"Dad..."

"They are, aren't they? Oh fuck." Burt said, sinking into a kitchen chair. He started sobbing again.

Kurt was stunned. He had never heard his father swear before.

"It's my fault..." Burt said after a moment. He choked back the sobs threating to over take him again. "It's my fault."

"What? Dad, no!" Kurt asked, shocked that his Dad would think that.

"No, it is. Something's been wrong with you for a while now. I could see it. I could _fucking_ see it. You were acting odd, your grades were slipping...and I didn't do anything. I thought 'the kids going through a tough time, changing schools and all. He doesn't need me interfering.' I let you suffer, and I should have done something. And then when we went to talk to Mrs. Smithson, your english teacher showed us that poem you wrote...and I knew. I knew it like I knew it all along, and didn't want to fucking say anything. I didn't want to be true so badly. But it is."

His emotion got the better of him here, and he dissolved into tears once more.

"I...Dad, I..." Kurt stammered. He didn't know what to say. "It's not your fault."

"It is. I should have protected you. I should have known, I should have been there..should've stopped it." His father cried.

Kurt stomach turned. He wanted to reach over and hug his father, to tell him it wasn't his fault and that he was fine. But he just stood there, frozen.

"You couldn't have stopped it..." He said quietly. He hugged his arms around himself, and tried not to cry as well.

His father was shaking his head. "Kurt, you have to tell me. Who did this to you?"

* * *

Lyrics to Roxanne:

Roxanne

you don't have to put on the red light

those days are over

you don't have to sell you body to the night

Roxanne

you don't have to wear that dress tonight

walk the streets for money

you don't care if it's wrong or if it's right

Roxanne

You don't have to put on the red light

I loved you since I knew you

I wouldn't talk down to you

I have to tell you just how I feel

I won't share you with another boy

I know my mind is made up

so put away your makeup

told you once I won't tell you again

It's a bad way

Roxanne

you don't have to put on the red light

Roxanne

you don't have to put on the red light


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11:

"What do you _mean_ he won't tell you who did it!" Kurt could hear Carole shout from the other room. He pulled his pillow over his head. They had been fighting for at least an hour now, growing increasingly louder.

"What is there to explain about that? He. Won't. Tell me." Burt said, exasperated and sad.

"Well why the hell not?" She cried.

"I don't know Carole. It's like he's trying to protect whoever it was…" Kurt could hear Burt begin to break down and cry again now. He felt sick. He hated doing this to his father, but he couldn't let them know.

It would destroy this family. Burt would want Finn arrested and losing her son would kill Carole. They would get a divorce and Burt would spend the rest of his life subconsciously hating Kurt for destroying the one thing that made him happy since his mother died. He couldn't do that to them.

And he couldn't do that to Finn, either.

"He's trying to protect the person who _raped_ him?" She screamed, her voice also edged with tears now.

Kurt closed his eyes and groaned. They kept throwing that word around, "rape". He hadn't been _raped_ had he?

The first time they'd said it, about a half an hour ago, Kurt had gone into their room and told them that there was a distinct difference between rape and rough sex. They had not appreciated that.

He thought of the first time he and Finn had had sex...sure, he hadn't wanted it but...that didn't mean he was raped, did it? He had given Finn his permission, not for sex but basically for everything else…

How was Finn supposed to know that he wasn't ready for sex when he had been willing, albeit apprehensive, to do everything else? He couldn't have. It was his own fault...what else did he expect Finn to do? He gave him everything he asked for and then just said "no"? That wasn't fair...

"Do you think it's a teacher?" Carole was saying, a bit quieter now. Kurt heard no response from his father, and guessed he was probably shaking his head.

"Then who? One of his friends...or...oh god. What if...you don't think...that boy, who was bullying him, at his old school?"

Kurt felt like laughing. Karofsky? Rape him? One half-assed kiss in a locker room didn't make him a rapist. He doubted Karofsky had the balls to do something like that. Figuratively speaking.

His father, however, didn't seem to think so.

"I..don't know..maybe. Oh god, I'm going to kill that little shit if he touched Kurt. How could we have been so stupid? 'Oh, lets just move him to a different school, that'll keep him safe...'" He said.

Kurt wished he would stop blaming himself.

"We couldn't have known…" Carole was saying, even more softly. Kurt could barely hear her through the walls now.

"Bullshit. We should have known. Kurt told us we didn't know what he was capable of...didn't know what was going through his mind...he goddamned told us that and we ignored it. Oh god, I'm going to vomit."

Kurt sighed. "It wasn't Karofsky!" He shouted. The silence told him that they had heard.

A second later, they were at his door. Their faces were both streaked with tears and their eyes were red.

"Then who was it sweetie?" Carole pleaded.

"Please, just tell us." Burt said. He sounded weak and defeated. It broke Kurt's heart to see his father like this. But he couldn't tell them. He kept his lips shut and turned to the wall.

"Kurt why...why are you doing this?" Carole sobbed. "You don't need to protect them. Whoever they are. If they raped you, they need to be punished."

"They didn't rape me, I tried to tell you that!" Kurt spat.

"No? Everything they did was perfectly fine with you?" His father asked.

Kurt hesitated. "...Yes. It was fine with me. I...I wanted it."

If Kurt had been able to see the look on his father's face when he'd said that, it would have broken his heart completely. Burt Hummel looked crumpled and destroyed.

"Really?" Burt said, trying to keep his voice from breaking. "Then why have you been so lifeless lately. Why have you been failing your classes, ignoring your friends and just...just being so...so.._dead_." His father said, unable to phrase it any other way.

Kurt didn't say anything.

"That's because it wasn't fine with you, Kurt. You want it to be...I know you're a strong kid, and you don't want to think that someone took advantage of you but..." Carole said, reaching over and placing her hand on Kurt's shoulder. He jerked it away from her.

"I told you, I was not raped!" He screeched.

* * *

Finn lay on the floor in his room, staring at the ceiling. He had been listening to them fight for over an hour, feeling cold and numb.

They kept saying that Kurt was raped. _Raped_. He hadn't raped him, had he?

Kurt had said it was ok. Kurt had wanted it, hadn't he?

He shut his eyes, a sick feeling rising in his stomach. A thick fog seemed to float about in his mind, making his thoughts dense. Through the fog, Kurt's voice echoed in his head.

_...Finn, stop. I don't want to, I'm tired…_

But...Kurt had said that... He had told him "no"… he had screamed. The fog quivered in his mind, threatening to break and let loose some unknowable truth.

_...Finn, stop it. You're hurting me…_

Finn reached over to the garbage can next to his desk and threw up in it. He had raped Kurt. Of course he had, why else would he have screamed like that?

He hadn't thought...hadn't realized...it hadn't been serious. Hadn't seemed serious. But of course it was. No one would scream like that if it wasn't.

_... Please, Finn don't do…_

He hadn't let him finish that time. He had taken him, forced himself into him and Kurt had screamed. He remembered the screaming, the crying, the begging. Why hadn't he cared before? It had just been sex. He'd only thought of it as sex…

His head throbbed. Everything felt like it was spinning around. The fog was blowing around in his brain, sweeping facts and lies about with it.

It had been sex. They'd been having sex.

But Kurt didn't want to have sex, so it wasn't sex anymore. It was rape. Kurt had been raped and Finn had raped him.

He dug his nails into the side of his face. Why was all of this just occurring to him now? How had he not heard Kurt's screams and pleas before? _What was wrong with him?_

They were arguing with Kurt now, begging him to tell them who it was. But Kurt wouldn't say. Why? Why wouldn't he tell them? Did he feel like he owed something to Finn? Was he...afraid?

Tears ran down his face. He hadn't wanted this. He never wanted to hurt Kurt. Kurt was the only one who cared about him, who wanted to see him happy. Kurt had tried so hard to make him happy...what had he done in return?

Humiliated him. Abused him. Beat him. Raped him.

He had heard Burt scream that when he got his hands on who ever it was who'd done this, he was going to kill them. That made sense. Rapists didn't deserve to live.

The fog in his brain cleared for a moment, and the first clear thought he'd had in months slipped through, shining and whole.

Rapists didn't deserve to live; and Finn was a rapist.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12:

The next day at school, Kurt couldn't bring himself to tell Blaine he had fallen down the stairs. Even if he had, Blaine never would have believed him.

The second Blaine saw him, he pulled Kurt into an empty classroom. Kurt thought he was going to say something, ask him what had happened or chastise him for not saying anything about Finn.

But Blaine didn't say anything. He just burst into tears.

"Hey, don't cry..." Kurt said nervously. He stepped toward him, and awkwardly patted him on the shoulder. All Kurt wanted was to comfort Blaine, comfort him like any friend would...but when it came down to do, there was only one way he knew how to comfort anymore. Before he even registered what he was doing he had pressed his lips closely against Blaine's. Blaine put his arms around him, kissing him back softly. After a moment, he pulled his head back bitterly.

"I'm sorry, Kurt." He said, trying to wipe away his tears.

"For what?" Kurt asked, keeping his body close to Blaine's.

"For doing that to you..." Blaine said, gesturing to the large bruise on Kurt's pale face.

"You didn't do this to me, Blaine. Finn did..." Kurt said softly.

Blaine bit his lip and looked as though he was about to cry again. "I let him do it to you. I left you alone with him. I knew what he'd done to you and I just left you with that...that rapist."

Kurt drew away from Blaine. "He's not a rapist. Why do people keep saying that!"

Blaine looked at Kurt like he was insane. "Of course he is, Kurt...he...he raped you."

"He didn't rape me. Why does no one believe me?" Kurt cried. "I keep telling you, I wanted it."

Blaine stared at him sadly. "Did you really, Kurt? Did you really want it. I want you to think about it hard. Think about it and tell me the truth. Did you want it? I'm not asking if you let him do it, I'm asking if you wanted it."

He looked into Blaine's eyes. He was about to tell him that yes, of course he had wanted it...but something inside him couldn't do it. He said nothing, and Blaine continued, stepping back towards Kurt as he did.

"Remember what you told me when I went to your house? That 'let' wasn't really a thing with Finn? Think about all the times you were too tired, or sore or not in the mood. Did you want it then, too?"

Kurt covered his ears with his hands. He didn't need to hear this right now. He wanted everyone to leave him alone, to stop saying he had been raped. He had not been raped. They needed to stop telling him he had been. But Blaine didn't stop speaking.

"What about whatever he did to you to make those bruises on your back? Did you want that?"

"It doesn't matter!" Kurt screeched, unable to take it anymore. "It doesn't matter if I didn't want it then. I wanted it other times, I let him do what he wanted to me because I wanted to see what would happen. Because I liked the attention and the thought that Finn Hudson, the big straight jock wanted _me_. That's what I wanted. So of course he thought he could do what he wanted, I never protested until it was too late."

"It matters, Kurt. Just because you said OK to one thing does not give him the rights to your body." Blaine said. He reached forward to take Kurt's hand and Kurt jerked away. Blaine swallowed, ignoring the hurt. "No one has the right to touch you unless you say it's ok."

Kurt could feel tears come to his eyes now and he tried to blink them away. "I don't know what's ok anymore."

Blaine leaned towards him slightly. "I'll help you." He lifted his hand up to Kurt's lips, and traced his thumb over his lower lip before putting his mouth softly on Kurt's, and moving his hand to the back of Kurt's head, holding him closely. Tears were running down his face now, and he knew it was because he felt something behind Blaine's kiss that had never been there with Finn; love.

Still holding him tightly in his arms, Blaine took his lips away from Kurt's, keeping them just far enough away to speak. "Was that ok?"

Lunch time at Mckinley was not the same time as it was at Dalton, which meant that Blaine had to skip third period in order to go there. In all the years he'd been at Dalton, he had never cut a single class for anything less than illness or a family emergency.

But he was cutting for Kurt Hummel. He was skipping because enough was enough. Finn had beat Kurt down into a shadow of the boy he used to be and Blaine wasn't going to let him get away with it anymore. Kurt wouldn't say anything, and Blaine wouldn't make him. But he would do something. He couldn't just sit back and watch anymore.

He barged into the school, ignoring the looks the students were giving his Dalton uniform. He went up to a girl in a cheerleading uniform. "Do you know where Finn Hudson is?" He asked, trying to keep his voice even.

The cheerleader had dark skin and hair, and surveyed him with a suspicious look. "Do I know you?" She sneered.

"No, why would you? Where's Finn." He repeated.

"I know someone who goes to that school, Dalton." She said, eyeing his blazer.

"You do? Who?" Blaine asked, surprised.

"Kurt Hummel, he was in glee with me." She said.

Blaine looked the girl over again. Kurt had told him a few times about the members of his former glee club. He knew there were 3 cheerleaders in the club, and if two of them were blond than this must be…

"...Santana?" Blaine asked, unsure if that had been her name. The girl nodded.

"Yeah, how'd you know." She asked, her eyes narrowed.

"I know Kurt...that's sort of why I'm here." He said quietly. "Where's Finn?" He asked again, annoyed he had let himself get distracted.

Santana thought for a minute. "Probably in the locker room. He's been spending all his lunches in there since Puckleberry happened for reals."

Blaine blinked. "What the fuck is a Puckleberry?"

"It's the name of Rachel Berry and Noah Puckerman, as a unit." She said.

"You guys have ship names for couples at your own school?" What the hell kind of a place was this?" Santanna shrugged.

"People change who they're shacking up with a lot here. It's a real time saver. Instead of explaining that Rachel cheated on Finn and Finn dumped her hobbit ass, only to have her instantly rebound with the boy she cheated with in the first place, you just say 'Finchel is done, and Puckleberry is a go'."

Blaine thought over what she just said. "When did Rachel uh..switch from Finchel to Puckleberry?"

She shrugged again. "Like two months ago? Finn's been Mister. Sad-Clown ever since."

He nodded. "Where's the locker room?" He asked.

"Down the hall and to the left...is Kurt alright?" She asked, finally realizing how odd it was for him to be there. Blaine hardly heard her, he was already running down the hall towards the boys locker room.

Once inside, he looked around the row of lockers and found Finn Hudson sitting slumped over on a bench. He heard Blaine coming, and looked up.

Until this moment, Blaine hadn't actually had a real plan formed as to what he was going to do. However, he had had a vague outline involving yelling, screaming, threatening and if it came to it, punching. Blaine was not the type of person who believed in using violence to solve problems...but then again, he was not the type of person who believed in ditching classes, either.

Blaine had entered the locker room expecting to see the violent, angry monster he had seen in Kurt's bedroom their other day. He had expected to look into Finn's eyes and find hate and malice. What he hand't expected was the crumpled, pathetic boy sitting infront of him on the bench. He looked into Finn's eyes and saw sorrow and regret.

For the moment, all thoughts of violence went out the window.

"I..I really hurt him...didn't I..." Finn said. His voice was weak and deflated.

Blaine shifted uncomfortably on his feet."Yeah, Finn you did."

Finn's eyes filled with tears and his face crumpled. "I-I didn't mean to...I didn't want to..." He stuttered, choking on what he was trying to say. He put his face in his hands and the tears flowed over his face. "But at the same time...you know, I think I did. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to use him and make him suffer like me. Because he would let me. Because I could."

He looked up and Blaine almost felt bad for him, before he remembered.

"Finn, you need help." Blaine said nervously. He wasn't prepared for something like this, but Finn was obviously sick, he knew that.

Finn snorted. "Help? How could I get help?"

Blaine sat down next to him. "I don't know...doctors and stuff...medication..."

Finn shook his head. "They can't help me. I'm too fucked up for that shit." He turned and looked at Blaine darkly, and Blaine felt shivers run down his spine. "Besides," he said, his voice empty and hollow, "I don't deserve it."


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: This chapter may be triggering, and if you have a problem with cutting, don't read it. If you wan't to know what happens, send me a PM or a review saying so and I'll send you the chapter minus the triggering bits.**

**Also, if you have a problem with cutting and would like to talk about it, feel free to message me about it. Long story short, I've been there and know how you feel.**

* * *

Chapter 13:

At the beginning of lunch, Kurt wandered sullenly to the area of Dalton where the faculty and administration offices were. He went down the hallway until he found the office he had been instructed to go to, and knocked on door, his hand hitting the thick black letters that spelled out the words: Dr. J. Sincere, Guidance councillor.

A smiling woman opened the door and greeted Kurt as though he was there for a pleasant visit, as opposed to having been forced to come by the school.

"Hello, Mr. Hummel, I have so been looking forward to meeting you. Please, take a seat." She instructed, gesturing to two arm chairs that sat facing each other in the middle of the room.

Kurt did as he was told, and began jiggling his leg up and down nervously. She kept smiling at him with a placid look on her face, and it was making him uncomfortable as hell.

"So, Mr. Hummel, what would you like to talk about?" She asked pleasantly.

"I dunno." Kurt said lamely. Just because he had to be here did not mean he was going to make this easy.

"Well, why don't we start off you telling me why you're here?" She asked, the smile never leaving her lips. Kurt was beginning to think he'd like to punch that smile off her face.

"What, no one told you why I'm here? I thought this school was supposed to be efficient." He sneered. Her smile widened, as though he'd said something hilarious, as opposed to obnoxious.

"Yes, they did tell me about your grades of course, but I want to know why you think you're here."

"I dunno." Kurt repeated.

"You have no idea at all why you would need to see a councillor?" She asked, tilting her head inquisitively to the side.

"Nope."

"Everything is fine, there's nothing in your life you'd like to talk about?" She continued.

"Life's a goddamned bowl of fucking sunshine." He snapped. She never even flinched. Damn, this bitch was uncrackable.

"Everything? What about how you feel?"

"What?"

"How you feel….angry, sad, frustrated, confused, scared, lonely, desperate...feelings." She prompted. He stared at her, and stopped jiggling his leg.

"I...well, I guess...all of those things." He said quietly.

"But there's nothing happening in your life that's causing those feelings, nothing wrong?" She said, her smile knowing and reassuring now.

Kurt ground his teeth together. "Well, there's something...but I don't want to talk about it." He said quickly. She nodded understandingly.

"That's fine. Why don't you start by telling me how whatever it is has made you feel, and we'll work backward, ok?"

Kurt took a deep breath. He was surprised to find how much someone asking about his feelings shocked him. No one had yet. They just told him how he should feel and what he should want to do. "Mostly...I feel scared. For myself, I guess...and my family, I'm scared about what this is doing to them...I'm scared about it happening again..." he paused, trying to decide if he could trust this woman. She looked at him with her patient, caring smile and he continued. "But parts of me are scared that it will never happen again. That its over. It wasn't always bad...I was happy sometimes."

She looked at him with a small, knowing smile, like she knew exactly what he was saying.

"And I'm also scared because that shouldn't scare me...I'm scared because I'm worried I'm broken."

* * *

Finn Hudson was broken and knew it. Blaine knew it too, and wanted him to check into some hospital, get "help". Parts of Finn still hated Blaine, hated him because he knew that Blaine had real feelings for Kurt and that Kurt would want to be with him. Those were the parts of him that still thought of Kurt was his, as his property. Those were the foggy parts, the parts of him that were breaking and bleeding and had to be put down.

Finn and Blaine knew it, and Kurt would have known it if Finn hadn't broken him too. Kurt didn't want to be broken, and would go so far to deny that he was, he would even deny that Finn had hurt him, deny that Finn was broken too. Because if Finn was broken, then what they had done together was splintered and wrong, and he couldn't handle that, couldn't handle it even if it was true.

Finn lay back in the steamer tub in the boys locker room, still fully clothed. Kurt was broken, but he could be fixed, Finn knew that. They would put him back together, and he could be whole again.

He knew he was beyond repair, and the more he stuck around the more he broke those around him. He knew what he was doing was not the answer, not really. It was the cowards way out, the easy solution.

But he didn't see any other one.

He lifted his wrist up, staring at the blue veins under the skin, and with one quick swipe of the razor, slashed the skin apart. The cut was deep and the blood gurgled out at a rapid pace. He quickly switched hands, making another red horizontal line on his other wrist. This one wasn't as deep, because the hand that had done it was already losing it's feeling...but it didn't matter. It was good enough.

Finn smiled as the water around him turned a deep reddish brown, and he lay down under it, letting the blood and water drift over his head.

* * *

Blaine found Kurt just as school ended, and told him he had gone to see Finn.

"You what?" Kurt asked, shocked. His eyes looked hurt and betrayed.

"You can't let him treat you like this, Kurt. I wanted to do something...I needed to do something. I thought I could...I don't know, threaten him into leaving you alone or something." Blaine said with a sigh.

"He's twice your size, what you're going to threaten him with?" Kurt asked. Blaine shrugged.

"I don't know...but look when I went to see him... He's sick...there is something very, very wrong with him. He needs help. You both do. Blaine said quietly. He took Kurt's hand in his, relieved that Kurt let him.

"I know..." Kurt said, concentrating on the floor.

Blaine widened his eyes. "You do?"

Kurt nodded. "Yeah...I...went to go see the guidance councillor today...you know, I was all determined not to tell her anything." He smiled meekly. "I cracked with in 5 minutes, spilled my fucking guts."

"That's good, Kurt. You need to talk to someone..." He paused. "Did you...tell her...about Finn?"

Kurt shook his head. "No. I can't. Blaine, I told you. It would kill our parents. It would kill Finn."

Blaine sighed. "From what I saw today, he's already dead."

**

* * *

A/N: Awful way to leave things, I know. I've decided if I get enough reviews, I'll publish the next chapter today.**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Yay reviews...here you go.**

Chapter 14:

Dave Karofsky wandered into the locker room, praying he wouldn't find anyone else in there. He knew Hudson sometimes sulked in there, but lunch was long over and he should have been gone.

He was more than a little resentful of Finn. He resented his good looks and popularity, he resented the crush he knew Kurt used to have on him, when Finn had never looked at him twice. And mostly, he resented Finn using the locker room to cry. That was _his_ spot. That was where he came to sulk to and moan...and think. He had a lot to think about, like what had happened after they had won their last football...what had happened with the new kid, Sam, when they'd been the only two left in the locker room...he needed to be able to sort out how he felt about that and he couldn't do with it with Finn moping over some girl.

He listened for the sound of the quarterbacks pathetic moans and heard nothing. Figuring he was alone, he went over to the shower area and turned them on so if someone came in, they wouldn't hear his own sobs or frustrated yells.

As his mind was already slipping back into thoughts of Sam's warm lips, it took him a little to notice that someone had left one of the steamer tubs filled up...but not just with water. The tube was filled with a dark liquid….it had turned the water a muddy red and for some reason, the sight of it made Karofsky's heart beat with fear.

He stared at the tub, wondering what the fuck he was supposed to do, when he noticed there was something i_n_ the tub, too. Something crumpled into a ball, hidden beneath the red water...something with black hair, peaking above the waters surface like a dark iceberg.

Karofsky inched closer to the tub, his heart racing and his fingers numb, and he realized why the sight of the dark tub made him panic. The smell had hit him now, the metallic rusty smell that could only be blood. He looked into the waters, and stared down at the bloodless body of Finn Hudson.

Karofsky turned to the side and vomited, before getting the fuck out of the locker room.

* * *

Usually neither Burt or Carole would have been home so early, it was only 3:00 pm, but they'd both agreed it would be better for Kurt if they spent more time at home. Kurt wasn't there though, he had gone to Blaine's after school. Having come home early for him, Burt was originally a little miffed, but decided that if Kurt was spending time with friends again, it was a good thing.

So they they were alone when they got the call, telling them they had Finn in the hospital. When Burt answered the phone, Carole thought he was going to have another heart attack. His face went white and he dropped the phone on the tile floor, where it crashed into two pieces.

When Burt had told her, Carole hadn't believed him at first. Hadn't been able to. Finn couldn't be in the hospital; couldn't have tried to kill himself. Her son was happy. Burt's son was the one who was in trouble...not Finn. Sure, he'd been moody and a bit more aggressive than usual, and she knew he was going through some heart break from Rachel...but he couldn't have tried to kill himself.

"But he did, Carole." Burt said numbly, grabbing his car keys. She followed him quietly out to the car, feeling empty and absent. This wasn't real, and it wasn't happening.

Neither of them thought to call Kurt until they were already at the hospital.

* * *

The first thing Finn Hudson felt when he woke up was panic. Panic because he couldn't feel his hands. They were there, he could see them, but they had no sensation. He had white bandages on both his wrists, and it was taking in these bandages that he remembered what had happened.

He had slit his wrists in the school locker room.

He sighed, and leaned his head back down on the bed. Obviously, he had failed. He felt tried and and sick, but he was alive.

* * *

While Finn was examining his wrists, Kurt was sitting on Blaine's couch, becoming increasingly annoyed. They hadn't spoken about Finn since they'd arrived at Blaine's house, and were instead watching TV and chatting about nothing. What Kurt was growing annoyed with, was how they had been sitting there for a half an hour now, and Blaine had yet to kiss him. His hand was placed warmly on top of his own, but other than that, Blaine didn't touch him in any way.

Kurt couldn't understand why. He knew Blaine wanted to, he could tell. He didn't know why Blaine didn't just_ do _it already.

Kurt gave an exasperated sigh. Blaine turned and looked at him.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Why haven't you kissed me yet?" Kurt demanded. Blaine's eyes widened with shock, like the idea had never even occurred to him.

"I didn't know if you wanted me to..." He mumbled, avoiding eye contact. "Do you?"

The question struck Kurt as an odd thing to ask, since no one had ever actually asked him that before. Kurt paused, trying to think about his answer. It seemed obvious, of course he wanted him to kiss him, why wouldn't he...but then...did he really want to kiss Blaine?

How could he know? He wasn't used to any sort of wanting involved in kissing...as of late, kissing usually meant wrists being painfully pinned above his head, or fear running down as spine as he tried to anticipate Finn's actions. No wanting involved.

But Blaine wasn't Finn. His kiss was nothing like Finn's desperate, needy kisses, trying to take something from him. Blaine's kisses were soft and sweet, they wanted nothing more from him then the kiss itself. He bit his lip. Kissing, touching...it had all become habbit for him. He was used to it...he expected it. Was that why he wanted to kiss him? Or did he actually want to kiss _Blaine_ himself? Not to comfort him, not because it was expected of him, but because he wanted to kiss _him_.

He looked at Blaine's neat, curly hair and let his eyes move down, past his sweet eyes and strong nose, down to his lips. Kurt was sure a pair of lips had never looked so inviting before. His heart beat quickly, but not from fear or panic, it beat from the anticipation.

"Yes Blaine, I very much want you to kiss me..." He said quietly, leaning his face towards Blaine's. Before Blaine could meet his lips, his cell phone rang.

* * *

When Finn woke up again, Burt was in the room with him. Carole had just gone to phone Kurt and talk to the doctors.

"Hey." Burt said, trying to smile. Finn felt a rock rise in his already heavy feeling stomach. "How you feeling? You gave us a real scare there Finn..."

Finn closed his eyes, and raised his hand to signal for Burt to stop. Well, he raised his arm and his hand flopped to the side.

"Burt...I need to tell you something." Finn said, his eyes filling with tears. Burt nodded, and looked at him attentively. "I...it was me. I hurt Kurt…" He said quietly.

Burt blinked at him, trying to wrap his mind around what Finn just said. "You...what?"

"I didn't mean to," Finn said tearfully. "I was hurt and alone and Kurt was trying to comfort me and I...I never meant for it to go so far."

"Finn, I don't understand...Everything that's been going on with Kurt, his attitude lately...the bruise on his face...are you saying that was all because of you?"

Finn nodded and Burt tried to keep his voice steady. "Did you...did you rape him?"

Finn bit his lip, wishing he'd succeeding in killing himself. "I...I think so. I didn-" Before Finn could finish his sentence, Burt had drawn his arm back and smashed his fist into his face.

Burt's fist connected with his eye, sending his head crashing back against the wall. Finn's vision went black and psychotic stars sprang around in the darkness before his eyes. His head felt as though it had been split in two by a hot poker, the two halves wrenched away from each other

"You goddamned _fuck,_ I trusted you!" Burt screamed, jumping out of his chair. Finn held his eye, trying to wrap his mind around the pain rocketing out from it.

"I trusted you, I took you into my goddamned home and you...oh god..." Burt moaned, holding his head in his hands.

"Burt I'm sorry...I didn't mean to..." Finn whimpered.

"Shut up, just shut the fuck up." Burt screamed again, drawing his arm back once more. Just then the doctors, and Carole, ran into the room. Two of the male nurses grabbed Burt and pulled him back, and Carole ran to her son.

"Burt, what are you doing?" Carole gasped, throwing her arms around Finn.

"Tell her." Burt snapped at Finn.

Finn looked at his Mom, and pushed her softly off the bed. "Mom, it was me. I hurt Kurt...I-I..."

"He raped him." Burt spat. Finn hung his head down, unable to look into his mothers eyes.

"I'm so sorry..."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15:

Kurt was getting his coat from Blaine's closet, ready to head out the door to see Finn in the hospital when his cellphone rang again. He stared at it numbly, unsure if he could take whatever it was the person on the other end had to say.

"Kurt?" It was Carole, her voice even more frantic and upset than it had been before.

"Yeah? What happened? Is Finn ok?" He asked. Carole made a strangled sounding noise.

"Finn's _fine_." She all but spat. "It's just...we changed our minds, we're going to head home soon, so there's no n-need for you to come, ok?"

"What's wrong?" He asked again. He heard Carole give a shuddering cry and a minute later his dad was on the phone.

"Kurt, everything's fine..." He said, also sounding like he was on the verge of tears. "Don't come to the hospital, just go right home, ok?"

"Ok..." He said, a cold feelings rising in his stomach. He hung up the phone and let it fall numbly out of his hands.

_They knew._

Just as Blaine was coming over to ask what was wrong, Kurt crumpled to the floor as well.

Tears streamed down his face, and he felt Blaine's arms close tightly around him.

"What's wrong? Who was that?" Blaine asked, hugging him closely on the floor.

"C-carole...that was C-carole..." Kurt sobbed, his shoulders shaking up and down. He tried to steady himself, gripping Blaine's shoulder's for support. "Blaine...they know."

Blaine stared at him for a moment, a pitying look on his face. Kurt hated being looked at like that, and he turned his gaze to the floor as another round of tears wracked through his body.

* * *

"Shh, shh, it's ok..." Blaine murmured, stroking Kurt's hair. He moved Kurt's head closer to him, resting it on his chest. He wanted to do more for him, wanted to make it better, but he didn't know how. So he just kept holding him, stroking his hair and murmuring reassuringly.

"No, no it's not." He cried. "They can't know. If they know they'll want me to report it or something."

"Well, maybe you should..." He said lightly. Kurt tightened his grip on Blaine's shoulders.

"No...god no. I can't press charges...I can't..."

"Sure you can..." Blaine said quietly. He wished he could understand how Kurt was feeling, wished he knew what was going through his mind.

Kurt shook his head violently.

"No I can't...if I press charges then….then...then he really raped me..." He wept.

Blaine felt his throat close up. So much of him just wanted to hold Kurt tightly and kiss him, and tell him he didn't have to do anything he didn't want to. If he didn't want to believe Finn had raped him, he didn't have to. He wanted to pick Kurt up and take him far far away from all this pain.

But he couldn't do that.

Holder him closer and tighter than ever before, Blaine tried to keep his voice soothing as he told Kurt the one thing he refused to hear. "But Kurt, he did rape you..."

Kurt stiffened for a moment inside his arms, but quickly resumed his weeping. "No..no no no no..." He muttered, trying to wipe the tears from his eyes. "He _can't_ have raped him, Blaine...he couldn't…I couldn't have been raped..." He looked up at Blaine, his eyes wide and hurt. "Please tell me I wasn't raped." He whispered.

Blaine felt his heart break inside his chest. Every fibre of his being was telling him to lie, lie to Kurt and make it better, make it ok again.

"I...I can't do that, Kurt..." He said quietly. Kurt closed his eyes, and lay his head back against Blaine's chest.

"Why..._why _would he do that to me...why….I don't understand..." He whimpered.

"I don't understand either Kurt..."

* * *

Burt paced around the living room, listening to his wife weep on the couch next to him. He didn't know what to do. Part of him wanted to hold her, and tell her it was ok and the other part just wanted to scream because it was _he_r kid that did it. _Her_ kid had...had...he couldn't even think about it. It had been too terrible to think about when it had just been some faceless stranger, some random pervert who Burt could get his hands on and rip to fucking shreds but now...now it was Finn.

He had begun to think of Finn as his son, too. He had trusted him, let him into his home and trusted him with the most important thing in his life.

He couldn't believe it. Couldn't understand how Finn could have done something like that. He knew Finn, he was a good kid…

Or, he had thought he'd known Finn...he'd thought he was a good kid.

Carole's weeping grew louder, and Burt decided he needed to say something. He sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulder.

"It's not your fault." He said numbly. Carole turned to look at him, her eyes black with smeared mascara.

"Yes it is." She said quietly. "I'm so sorry Burt...I never...I couldn't..." She burst into fresh tears now, and sobbed onto his shoulder.

"It's not your fault, Carole, and I can't have you think that. If we're going to get through this, we need to do it together. I need you with me, Carole, I can't do it on my own." He said quietly. If he was truly being honest with himself, he knew part of him did blame her, did hold her responsible for what her son had done. But he knew that part of him was wrong. He loved Carole and he wouldn't let this take her away from him.

"God Burt I just...I can't believe it. I can't believe he would hurt him like that..." She moaned.

"I know, I can't believe it either."

Carole was quiet for a moment. "Do you want Kurt to press charges?" She asked.

Burt's heart crumpled at the question. Yes of course he wanted Kurt to press charges. He wanted to see the person who'd hurt his son punished. But...did he want Finn in jail? Did he want Carole to have to suffer through that?

He couldn't answer. "We'll let Kurt decide..." he said quietly.

Carole nodded.

A knock at the door interrupted him, and Burt got up to answer it. It was Kurt and Blaine.

"Hi, Mr. Hummel...Kurt was upset, I drove him home..." Blaine said. Kurt's eyes were red and watery, and it was obvious he'd been doing his own share of crying.

"Thanks Blaine." He said hoarsely.

Blaine turned to Kurt, and hugged him quickly. "Bye, Kurt. I'll call you, ok?" He said, turning to leave.

Burt watched as his son's eyes seemed to grow wide with panic, and he grabbed onto Blaine's sleeve. "Don't go. Please don't leave me." He whimpered.

Blaine turned his eyes questioningly to Burt. Burt could tell he didn't want to leave Kurt, but he thought he should. Burt sighed. He wanted to talk with Kurt alone, but his son looked so broken and sad, he couldn't bring himself to do anything else to hurt him. He stepped back from the doorway, and gestured for them both to enter.

"Hello Blaine dear." Carole said weakly from the couch. Blaine nodded politely.

"Kurt, we need to talk to you." Burt said, trying to keep his voice calm. Kurt just whimpered and clutched Blaine for support.

"It's about...Finn." He said stiffly. Carole put her head in her hands and resumed her crying. "We need to know...what you want to do."

"I don't want to press charges." He said immediately. Carole snapped her head up, and Burt saw relief on her face. He tried not to hold that against her, reminding himself he'd feel the same way if he was in her position.

"Are you...do you want to think about it..." He said tentatively. Kurt shook his head.

"I don't want him in jail. I want him...different. He's...not himself." He said quietly. "Something's wrong with him, he's sick...he's bad...and throwing him in jail won't change that. He needs help. He needs to get better."

Burt tried to keep himself calm. He wanted to scream that there _was_ no better for a rapist, that he didn't want to see anyone help him. He closed his eyes and reminded himself it was not just a rapist, it was his step-son. And there was something wrong with him. He thought if he could think about it like that, he would be ok.

But when he opened his eyes, the bruised and tear streaked face of his son stared back at him, and he burst into tears again.

* * *

"Dad, don't cry" Kurt whimpered. He couldn't take seeing his father like this. His Dad was supposed to be the strong one, the one who could handle everything. Moving away from Blaine, Kurt took his fathers hand and squeezed it lightly. His fathers shoulders were shaking so hard Kurt thought he was about collapse, and he led him over to the couch next to Carole.

Kurt looked at Blaine standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. He felt a little bad, he knew this must be uncomfortable for him.

"Blaine can you go the kitchen and make tea?" He asked. Blaine nodded and, looking relieved, made his way to the kitchen.

Kurt turned his attention back to his father. "Dad, it's going to be ok..." he said quietly. He wasn't sure he believed that himself, but it seemed like the right thing to say.

"I'm so sorry Kurt," Burt sobbed. "I failed you. I let you get hurt and I won't ever be able to forgive myself for that."

"Dad it's not your fault. Please don't think its your fault." He said, his own voice beginning to shake. He needed his father to be ok. If he Dad could stay strong and get through it, so could he.

"No, it is. I'm your father and it's my job to protect you and I failed...and it was all happening right here. Oh god. It was all right here and I let it happen..." the sobs took over again, and Kurt watched his father break down. Kurt knew he had been right in not wanting them to know. This was worse, so much worse, than anything Finn had ever done to him.

"You couldn't have known..." he said quietly.

"I should have!" He screamed suddenly. Kurt and Carole jumped. "I should have god damned known. My own son was being raped by his _brother_ right in my god damned house and I should have known." Carole began sobbing again and still shaking, Burt limply put a hand on her back. His other hand remained in Kurt's, squeezing tightly.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16:

Finn stared up at the ceiling of his hospital room, wondering if he was ever going to be able to finish his botched suicide. Judging by the way the hospital staff hovered around him, it didn't seem likely.

He had only been in the hospital a day, and it already felt like an eternity. His family had turned on him, and not without reason, and he had nothing to do but stare at the white ceiling, tarnished by years of water damaged and pocked with little brown spots of grime.

His thoughts were interrupted as the door to his room suddenly burst open. At first, he assumed it would be Burt coming to finish him off._ Finally…_

But it wasn't. Wasn't anyone he knew either. It was an impossibly pale, skinny girl he had never seen before in his life. She darted into the room, closing the door behind her. Then she crouched down and peaked up through the window on the door, as if looking for potential attackers.

"What are you doing?" Finn asked, and the girl jumped. She wasn't a nurse or an orderly, and her pain clothes suggested she wasn't one of the candy stripper volunteers.

"Oh, I was hoping this room would be empty." She said nervously, fiddling with the white paper bracelet around her wrist. "Oh well, sometimes you toss a coin and get a boot." Finn recognized that bracelet, he had a similar one in orange around his ankle. That meant she was a patient here.

"Well, it's not, obviously." He said, slumping back down in his bed. "So you know...leave."

"Can't. I'm escaping." She said cryptically. She had a bright, insane smile on her face.

"From what?"

"The Psychiatric wing." She said absently, walking father into the room.

"The what?"

"The Psychiatric wing. The section of the hospital where they house the crazies." She explained, then looked at his chart and smiled wider. "Severe lacerations to the ulnar and radial veins, huh?" Her hair was long and impossibly black, and as she looked at him from under her severe black bangs, he decided it did nothing for her already pale complexion. She looked like a ghost.

"Yes. Why is that your business?" He grumbled. Her eyes flashed as she turned her own wrists over to him, and his eyes went wide. There were marks all the way a long her arms, starting from her wrists and ending at her elbows.

"Jeez..." He muttered. She nodded.

"So why'd you do it?" She asked, smiling crookedly and taking a seat in the chair next to his bed. He was about to tell her to fuck off, but he figured she probably wouldn't care. Maybe he could scare her off instead.

"I raped my brother." He said bitterly. She barely blinked.

"Yeah, we got two guys in the bin who raped people. One his friend, one some random chick at a party. We had two others but their victims ended up pressing charges, so one was called criminally insane and sent to a hospital for that, and another was just a criminal so they sent him to federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison." She said, non-chalantly. "Why'd you do it?"

He just stared at her.

"You can tell me." She insisted, bouncing up and down in her chair.

"If you're escaping shouldn't you leave the hospital?" He asked, turning his head away from her.

"Nah, I'm not escaping for real. I have no where else to go, and the bin isn't bad. They got food and stuff. I just get bored, so I escape and hide around the hospital every now and then."

"What'd you do to get in there?" He asked, turning and looking back at her.

She blinked, and the manic smile left her lips for the first time. "I...well, they sent me here after I...killed my dog." She said quietly.

"You what?" He asked, shocked.

She glared at him. "Don't you judge me, Mister Brother-Raper. I didn't mean to. I loved that fucking dog. I just...get this like..." She struggled to explain herself, running her fingers up through her hair. "Like a fog, in my head. It makes things difficult...hard to think, and see...I was doing bad already and he was just barking and barking and the fog was so thick and all I could hear was that goddamned barking and it had to stop, it just fucking had to..." She stopped speaking and looked quietly at her hands. "I didn't even know what I was doing. I mean I knew, I knew I was getting a knife and stabbing the poor thing...but I didn't know it, not in a real way..."

He looked at her. "I...know what you mean."

She glanced at him, her eyes wide and dark. She was about to speak again, when the door burst open and she jumped.

It was an angry looking orderly now, one Finn didn't recognize. His name tag read "Corey".

"Paige, what are you doing in here?" He shouted, staring at the dark haired girl.

She just smiled and giggled sort of manically, tucking her hair behind a pale ear. "Escaping."

"For fuck's sake Paige, that's the second time this month." He growled, coming over and grabbing her by the arm.

"Sorry if she bothered you." He muttered at Finn. Finn shrugged.

"Oh he'll probably be with us soon anyways, Gorey. He raped his brother and slit his wrists, you know." She chirped, skipping a little as he led her out of the room. The orderly gave Finn a funny look, that was less disgust and more...interest. "Bye Finn!"

"How do you know my name?" He asked, his eyebrows knit together. She paused in the doorway, "Gorey" giving her an exasperated glare. She stared at Finn with a still and serious look.

"Because I'm psychic." She said seriously. He gaped at her, and then her stony face split into a grin. "It's on your chart, numb-nuts." She laughed a little, and then let Corey take her away.

Finn didn't have another visitor for a week.

* * *

"Are you ready to tell me what happened yet?" Dr. Sincere asked quietly. He'd been going to her every other day this week, talking about his fears and worries and wondering if this was actually helping him in any way.

He stared at his shoes. No, he was not at all ready. He was never going to be ready to talk about it. "I don't think so..." he mumbled.

"Kurt, it's never going to be easy to talk about but unless I know what happened, I won't really be able to help you work past it." She said softly.

He was still examining his shoes, but he knew if he looked up he would find her warm, caring smile staring back at him. He didn't want to see that smile when he told her.

"I..my step-brother...he was...for the past few months we've been..." Kurt shrunk down into his chair, never taking his eyes off his shoes. "...he raped me." He whispered meekly.

"When?" She asked calmly.

"When...was the first time?" He clarified quietly.

"They're were multiple incidents?" Incidents. That was a good way of putting it.

Kurt nodded. "The first was about two months ago..."

"How many since?" He could hear her making notes on a small pad she always had in her lap. He wondered if they read "KURT HUMMEL: VICTIM".

Kurt shrugged. "I don't know...a lot?"

"Did you ever try and tell anyone about the abuse?" She asked.

Kurt felt tears well up in his eyes. "No...I didn't know..."

"Didn't know what?" She gently questioned.

The tears were falling from his eyes now, splashing onto his Dalton blazer. He tried to wipe them away. "I didn't...god, it's so stupid...I didn't know...I didn't know I was being raped. They had to tell me. Isn't that ridiculous?"

She ignored the question. "Do you know now that you were raped?"

He nodded. He didn't want to know it, but he did. It hurt to say it, and to think it...but he knew Finn had taken advantage of him, and hurt him. He knew that. But a small part of him still felt that…

"...I let him."

"In what ways?" She asked. He shrugged. She wrote something down on her pad.

"Before, when you said you didn't know you were being raped. What did you think was happening?" She asked. Her tone wasn't mocking or cruel, but concerned and interested.

"I don't know...fucking, I guess. We were just fucking..." He muttered. He felt ridiculous.

"Not, having sex? Not 'making love'?" She asked.

He snorted. "I used to imagine we were making love," he said bitterly. "I used to imagine these different scenarios, where he would come to me, crying and we'd talk about what was wrong...and then we'd make love. It never happened like that."

"Did you enjoy it, this 'fucking'?" She asked. The word sounded so odd coming from her.

He thought of the burning pleasure that had sometimes hidden beneath the pain, and how he'd so often climaxed. "Yes." He said immediately. He shifted his gaze up, praying her eyes weren't judging him. They weren't, they were still kind and soft. He reconsidered his answer. "Well, no...I don't know. I...a lot of the time...not every time, but a lot I...well I..."

"Orgasmed?" She prompted. He blushed, and nodded.

"So, I mean I must have been enjoying it, right?" He said ruefully. She shook her head.

"You're body may react to something that your mind feels differently towards. They're not always connected. Physical arousal should not suggest mental enjoyment. So, I ask again; did you enjoy it?"

"No." He said, his voice breaking. "Never."

"Did you ever indicate your displeasure to your step-brother?"

"No. Well, I used to shout sometimes..." he swallowed, tears falling down his cheeks again. "When he was hurting me. It didn't always hurt, but when it did...when he made it hurt...I would scream and ask him to stop. I didn't want to, but I couldn't help it."

"Is your brother deaf?"

"What? No." He said, confused. Where the hell were these questions going?

"So he could hear you screaming, hear you asking him to stop?" He nodded.

"If you asked him to stop, and he ignored you, in what way did you let him rape you?" She said softly.

He blinked. "I...I don't know." He'd never thought about that before. He had asked him to stop...Finn had even told him to_ stop _asking him to stop...it annoyed him.

"The problem Kurt, is not with you. It is solely with your brother." She said.

He had heard that before. Everyone had told him that before. It wasn't his fault, he did nothing wrong, etc. He had heard it so many times and from so many people...but this time, it sounded different.

This time, it sounded true.

* * *

**A/N: Dr. Sincere reacts so calmly because she already knows about Finn, for the record. **

**Also, considering giving this story a sequel, focusing on both Finn and Kurt's recovery process. It would be marginally more upbeat, but would obviously still have its dark moments.**


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17:

Burt walked into the hospital room and saw Finn jerk up in surprise. He had a large bruise on his face, sprouting out from his eye.

Good.

"Your...Kurt doesn't want to press charges." He snapped. He didn't want to be here, and Carole didn't know he was. But he needed to talk to the kid. That was all he was here to do, he reminded himself. No matter how badly he wanted to reach over and strangle the life out of him, he wasn't going to do that.

Finn's eyes went wide. "Oh." Was all he said.

"He says your sick, and I believe that because you'd have to be to do what you did." He continued.

To his surprise, Finn nodded. "I know." He said quietly.

"Good, I'm glad we can agree about that. So I've signed you up for a psych evaluation so they can let us know exactly _how_ your sick." Burt took a seat as he spoke, making sure to keep the chair far enough away from Finn so that should the desire strike him, he wouldn't be able to hit him again.

Finn nodded again. He looked like he wanted to say something, and he was grinding his teeth nervously. "Burt..." He said finally, his eyes filling with tears. "I'm sorry."

Burt glared at him, unmoved. He knew Finn was sick, so fine, get him help but no way in hell was he going to forgive him.

"Just...help me understand." Burt said, "How could you do something like that?"

Finn stared at him, a pathetic look on his face. "I don't know..." he said quietly. "I couldn't stop myself. It didn't seem...I...it was like...I needed him."

Burt narrowed his eyes. He knew he should leave now, end the conversation before he hurt Finn...but he had to know. He had to make it make sense. "People don't usually repeatedly rape the people they need."

Finn closed his eyes, pushing the tears out of them and down his face. "I didn't want to hurt...I never meant to _rape_ him...but I, I didn't need him exactly...it was more like...I needed his...body. I needed to be touching him...or...or I couldn't feel anything. I didn't exist."

Burt closed his eyes too. He couldn't hear this. He knew he had asked, and Finn was just trying to give him what he'd asked for but...it was too much.

He stood up to leave, refusing to look at Finn again.

"Please believe me Burt, I couldn't be more sorry." Finn yelled after him. Burt didn't stop, just walked calmly out of the hospital and to his car. Once inside, he let himself cry.

* * *

Finn lay back in his hospital bed, and not for the first time in his life, he wished he was smarter. He wished he could say something else, something other than "I'm sorry", something to let every one know the true meaning behind his words. He wasn't just sorry, he was filled with a gnawing and awful regret that he would never be able to get past. He wanted Burt to know just how much what he had done was killing him inside, and how badly he'd wished he could take it back. He knew he couldn't, didn't know the words for it...he didn't think anyone would ever know what he was really trying to say.

* * *

After school, Blaine went over to Kurt's house. Carole and Burt had both left off work for a week, Carole telling her boss her step son had been attacked, and Burt telling his customers he had a family emergency. But they couldn't stay away from work forever, and neither of them wanted Kurt to be in the house alone.

So Kurt brought Blaine home, and they sat on the couch, quietly watching TV. A few times, Kurt had leaned over and kissed him softly, and Blaine kissed him back, holding his hand gently against his face or softly touching his neck...but after a few minutes, he always turned his attention back to the television.

Kurt could feel his frustration returning. Blaine wasn't giving him what he wanted, and he couldn't understand why. They'd been spending all their time together (Blaine had taken it upon himself to catch Kurt up in all his classes, even though he wasn't in any of them) and all the while the only thing Blaine ever did was kiss him softly, and then return to whatever he had been doing before.

He was more than annoyed now, and decided he'd have to take it upon himself to push things further. Blaine's arm was around him, and Kurt lifted his hand to Blaine's face, turning it towards him. He kissed Blaine softly at first, then deepened the kiss. His annoyance grew, however, as Blaine kept his teeth firmly clamped shut the entire time, refusing to give Kurt full access to his mouth. With an irritated sigh, Kurt pushed himself up a little and swung one leg over Blaine's lap, straddling him.

Blaine jerked in surprise, and gently nudged Kurt off him, back onto the couch. He pulled his head back and looked at him, confused. "What are you doing?" He said quietly.

"What do you _mean _what am I doing?" Kurt snapped. Blaine looked hurt and Kurt regretted his harsh tone. "What are we doing?" He asked, his voice softer now.

Blaine looked thoroughly confused now. "I don't know what you mean."

Kurt sighed in exasperation "We've been hanging out all week, and kissing and stuff, which is nice but...shouldn't we move on now?"

Blaine looked at him sadly. "Kissing doesn't need to lead anywhere, Kurt. And it's only been a week."

"So…?"

"That's not very much time." Blaine said. "And what's wrong with kissing?"

Kurt stared at him. "I...nothing's wrong with kissing I just need..." He groped for the right word. "More."

"Why? Why can't we take things slow?" He asked quietly.

Kurt tried to explain the feeling in his chest, the one that was making him confused and annoyed. "Because I-I-I..." He began. He stopped as he realized what he was feeling and his face drained of colour. "Oh god..."

Blaine put his arms around him, holding him close. "Oh god." Kurt repeated. "I'm becoming Finn."

"No!" Blaine said sharply. "Don't even think that."

Kurt put his hands on his face, wiping away the tears that always seemed to be there lately. Blaine was running his fingers over his hair soothingly, but he felt awful. "I'm sorry..."

"Don't apologize Kurt, I understand..." He said lightly. "You're used to...well, you're used to a lot more than I'm giving you right now."

Kurt sobbed, feeling disgusting. "But I didn't want it..."

Blaine kissed his forehead, continuing to smooth his hair. "It doesn't mean your body didn't get used to it...didn't come to expect it."

"Oh god..." Kurt moaned. The tight, desperate feeling in his chest was still there. He could feel himself aching, crying out with some sort of sick need. He didn't want to feel this way. "I just want it to go away..."

"I know...and it will." He said quietly. "But Kurt, you need to realize how special you are to me. How much I care. If we're going to do this, and _especially _if we're going to do this now, when things are so hard for you, we're doing it right. We're taking it slow."

Kurt sniffed. "But what are we going to do together?"

"Talk? Hang-out? Go to movies...plays...dinner." Kurt looked up and saw Blaine smiling. He'd forgotten how beautiful Blaine's smile was. "And maybe some kissing." Blaine continued, pressing his lips to Kurt's.

Kurt wiped his drying tears and pressed his face against Blaine's chest. They sat together quietly for a little, Blaine stroking his hair softly. After a while, Blaine began to sing quietly, keeping his mouth close to Kurt's ear.

_Slow down, you crazy child_

_you're so ambitious for a juvenile_

_But then if you're so smart, tell me_

_Why are you still so afraid?_

_Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?_

_You'd better cool it off before you burn it out_

_You've got so much to do and_

_Only so many hours in a day_

_But you know that when the truth is told.._

_That you can get what you want or you can just get old_

_You're gonna kick off before you even_

_Get halfway through_

_When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?_

Blaine's voice was warm and comforting, and Kurt closed his eyes, letting it wash over him.

_Slow down, you're doing fine_

_You can't be everything you want to be_

_Before your time_

_Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight_

_Tonight,..._

_Too bad but it's the life you lead_

_you're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need_

_Though you can see when you're wrong, you know_

_You can't always see when you're right. You're right_

Blaine gave him a little squeeze as he sung this, and kissed him softly on the tip of his ear.

_You've got your passion, you've got your pride_

_but don't you know that only fools are satisfied?_

_Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true_

_When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?_

_Slow down, you crazy child_

_and take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhile_

_it's all right, you can afford to lose a day or two_

_When will you realize,..Vienna waits for you?_

_And you know that when the truth is told_

_that you can get what you want or you can just get old_

_You're gonna kick off before you even get half through_

_Why don't you realize,. Vienna waits for you_

_When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?_

By the time the song was over, Kurt had fallen asleep in Blaine's arms.

* * *

**A/N: This is the first song this fic has had, and I like to think it marks the beginning of Blaine and Kurt's relationship. I love Blaine because he's suffered in this story, but not so much that music is gone from his life like it is from Kurt's, so he gets to bring music to the story!**


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18:

"He has an Intermittent Explosive Disorder...um, they said he falls into a subcategory involving Domestic Violence, and displays some characteristics of a dependent personality disorder..." Burt said, and Kurt tried to understand what that meant.

"So...so we're placing him in psychiatric care, like you wanted." He continued. "They say they can treat him with uh, Cognitive behavioral therapy and medication."

Kurt's head buzzed. His Dad was throwing a lot of large and fairly meaningless words at him, an he didn't know what to make of it. "So...that means what exactly?"

Burt sighed, and rubbed his eyes. He looked tired and worn out, having spent the last two hours at the hospital talking to the doctors about their options. Carole was still there.

"Well, um, the IED means he has trouble controlling his impulses...in his case, they were uh..." Burt fumbled, choking on his words. "...sexual, impulses...and uh..."

"Ok...I get it." Kurt said quietly. He felt odd...better somehow, but he didn't know why. He had known Finn was sick, obviously, but somehow hearing what was really wrong with him, the actual disorders…it made him feel validated.

"The doctors think they'll be able to...help him. They said he's already expressed remorse and regret for his actions and he should be on his way to recovery soon." Burt said stiffly. Kurt thought it sounded like Burt was just repeating what the hospital staff had told him, probably word for word. He didn't think his father believed any of it.

* * *

"So...they say they're going to move you into the new unit tomorrow, and um..I'll come visit you then to see how you're getting settled and bring you your clothes." Carole said tearfully, sitting next to Finn bed.

Finn nodded. "You don't have to. You can just drop the clothes off….no need to visit." He said numbly. It wasn't that he didn't want to see his mother, he just knew how painful this was for her.

"Why would you say that?" She asked. Finn shrugged, and twitched his fingers a little. He could feel his hands a little now, and the doctors told him that the more he tried to move them, the faster the feeling would come back. They didn't know if he was going to ever be able to fully recover the feeling in his left hand, but as he had managed to avoid severing his tendons, they were hopeful.

"I just...know you don't really want to be around me right now, that's all. I understand." And he did. He didn't want to be around himself either. He had thought he hated himself before, but this...he knew now that this was what true hate felt like.

Carole shook her head. "Finn sweetie, it's not that I don't want to be around you...although...it's hard...but I still love you. You're still my son."

"You do?" Finn asked, shocked. How could she still love him? What was there to love? Finn could barely get his mind around her words. The thought that anyone could still love or care for him had never occurred to him.

"Of course I do...what you did to Kurt was...I'll never understand that, I'll never...it's just..." She struggled trying to express herself. "But we're going to get you help, and I'm going to stick with you." She said firmly.

Finn felt his own eyes fill with tears. He had assumed they, her and Burt, wouldn't want anything to do with him ever again.

"Mom...I'm sorry." He said, blinking back the tears.

She placed her hand on his, and he could feel its warmth spread throughout his own hand. It was the first thing besides the IV he'd been able to feel for a while. She looked at him, her eyes sad but caring too. She did still love him. He didn't know how, but she did.

"I know you are, Finn." She said quietly, and he thought he felt his heart skip a beat. "I know."

* * *

"Mr. Anderson, thank you for seeing me." The guidance councillor told Blaine, smiling lightly. Blaine knew from the letters on the door that her name was "Dr. J. Sincere" but something about that felt oddly fake to him...which he supposed was ironic. He'd heard Kurt talk about her a few times, and he always mentioned her smile. Blaine had assumed he was exaggerating when he said she was always smiling but...it would appear to be true.

It was a little disconcerting.

"You're probably wondering why I've called you in here." She said, gesturing for him take a seat. He did so, and she sat in the chair across from him.

"Um, yes, actually." Blaine said nervously. He'd never been called down to any of the offices in the administration section of the school, and it had panicked him a little.

"Well, I would like to you to know that I have _not_ called you in to discuss Mr. Hummel, if that's what you're thinking." She said curtly.

That had been the only reason he'd been able to think of, actually. He didn't say so, and she continued.

"No, nothing I say to you is in anyway related to him, although I know you two are very close." Blaine didn't see how she'd know that; he was pretty sure she never left her office. Did Kurt talk about him to her? "Because it is expressly forbidden for me to me to discuss the details of anyone I am currently seeing. Understand?" She said, raising her eyebrows.

Blaine didn't understand at all. "No, actually..." He admitted.

"What I am saying," she said, staring at him pointedly. "Is that what we are going to discuss is in no way related to Mr. Hummel. It is purely hypothetical."

"Ah..." Blaine said, beginning to understand what she meant.

"Good. So, in this entirely hypothetical scenario, we're going to imagine we have someone who is very hurt, emotionally. They are vulnerable and scared. They believe themselves to be broken and are looking for be put back together again, understood?" Blaine nodded. "We also have someone who is very close to this person, and desperately wants to help them get better." She raised her eyebrows at him here. "Now, this is mostly a good thing. Everyone needs help recovering from tragedy and having the support of those around them is important however...it is also dangerous."

Blaine felt his chest tighten. "Dangerous how?"

"Imagine Person One turns to Person Two whenever they are upset, whenever they need comfort, and Person Two gives it to them. Makes them feel better and in a certain manner, puts them back together. Person Two is there for them, whenever they need it. After a while Person One will begin to associate their recovery with Person Two." She explained.

"Ok..." Blaine said, still not seeing the danger.

"If Person Two is entirely associated with their recovery, what will happen to Person One when one day, Person Two lets them down. Isn't there for them." She said gently.

Blaine narrowed his eyes. "That won't ever happen, I'll always be there for-"

"You're forgetting, Mr. Anderson, that this is an entirely hypothetical situation. You would do well to remember that." Blaine sighed, and nodded for her to continue. "Now, it is inevitable that one day, Person Two will let Person One down. Person Two is not a superhero. Everyone has bad days, days when they're busy or stressed and just can't deal with someone else's problems. It is only natural. But, if Person Two is the personification of Person One's recovery, when they fail to make things better for them, it will not just feel like it is Person Two who isn't there for them, it will feel as though any progress they've made is gone too. They will be right back at the beginning." She said, and Blaine noticed that for the first time, she was not smiling. She was looking at him very seriously.

"So...what should I- what should Person Two do?" He asked.

"They need Person One to know that they cannot be there for them all the time. They will try their hardest to be there and to help them, but they will not always be able to. Person Two should encourage Person One to develop other relationships, rely on others for support as well and most importantly, encourage them to rely on themselves for support. This will be very hard for Person Two, but I believe their strong enough." The smile was back now, just a small one, but it was there.

"I thought this was hypothetical." He said numbly. She raised her eyebrows.

"It is. As long as Person Two avoids person one becoming entirely dependent on them, Person One should recover nicely. Hypothetically, of course."

Blaine nodded. "Is, uh, that all?" He asked. He had a lot to think about.

She smiled and stood up, indicating that he could leave. "Oh, and Mr. Anderson." She called, and he paused in the doorway. "If anyone asks, this conversation never happened, and I called you in here to discuss the class you missed a couple of weeks ago, alright?"

Blaine nodded once more, and left.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19:

Blaine stared at his cellphone, willing himself not to answer it. The caller ID and ringtone told him it was Kurt, and not picking up was killing him a little.

Finn was moving into the hospital today, and he knew Kurt would need him. But he needed to start distancing himself, and he thought it would be best to do that slowly. So he had told himself that when Kurt called, he wouldn't answer, but he would call him back in an hour. That way Kurt wouldn't just assume he could call Blaine and immediately have someone to comfort him, and Blaine could do the right thing without abandoning his friend when he needed him.

It had seemed easy enough, just don't answer the phone. But it wasn't. He drummed his fingers on his desk, praying the phone would stop ringing any second now. It seemed to go on forever, each loud verse of Teenage Dream cutting him a little deeper. He was pretty sure that song was going to be ruined for him now.

Finally, the phone went silent and Blaine crashed on his bed. He tried not to think about how hurt and alone Kurt was probably feeling right now, and told himself it was for the best. Instead, he tried to think about their other big problem.

Blaine hadn't realized how sexual Kurt had become. It was like a habit for him, something unimportant that people just did because they could. Whenever Blaine touched him, Kurt got this look in his eye, a look that was equally frightened and eager, one that said "what does he want me to do?"

Blaine had never had a boyfriend before, and his sexual experience had never gone farther than a drunken, awkward hand job he'd once given his friend at a party. He wanted what he did with Kurt to be more meaningful than that and he could tell that was going to be a challenge.

For Kurt, everything seemed to be about sex now. His life had revolved around it for so long, he didn't know how to turn it off anymore...turn himself off.

Kurt lay back on Finn's bed, holding his cellphone in his hands. Blaine had never not answered his phone before, and it stung. He felt lonely and afraid, which is why he'd called Blaine...but he felt something else too. Something that he didn't want to admit to himself. Something that had brought him into Finn's room.

Since Finn had gone, the frustrated and frantic feeling had been building up in his chest. It moved down his stomach and made him feel things in the one place he wanted to feel nothing. It demanded attention, but he hadn't been able to bring himself to do it alone in his room. Carole had ransacked Finn's room an hour ago, taking clothes and anything else she'd thought he'd need in the hospital. His draws were still lying open, and it looked as though he'd been robbed.

Something about the torn apart room had a feeling of finality to it, and it hurt Kurt more than he'd care to admit. Finn was really gone.

Mostly, he felt relief. He would never be expected to lie on his stomach, choking back feelings of self hatred, and tell Finn how much he liked being fucked like this ever again. He would never have to sink down to his knees and take Finn in his mouth, fighting away the desire to vomit as Finn came down his throat.

It seemed surreal. None of that would ever happen again. But then...would he always feel like this? Would he always have this burning craving deep in his gut? He didn't think he could handle it if he did, if it never went away.

When it had been happening, the thought had never occurred to him but now...he realized that what he was doing with Finn was more than something that was forced on him each day, it was something that had become necessary, too. His body had grown to need it, and expect it and now that it wasn't getting it anymore...it wanted it more than ever.

Before everything had happened, Kurt had not considered himself an overly sexual person. His thoughts were aways directed more towards romance that physicality, and as far as teenage boys go, he masturbated fairly infrequently.

When he had, he was always for one soft caresses, imagined sighs and whispered promises of love.

Now, as he reached down inside his pants, his thoughts could only turn to Finn. He jerked himself roughly, grasping onto Finn's pillow as he moaned and writhed in sexual agony. He didn't want it, even though it was his own hand pulling and hurting him. He didn't want it at all, and even as he came there was no pleasure in it. Relief, a mind numbing and calming relief, but no pleasure.

He hadn't wanted it, but as he lay back sobbing, wiping his hand on Finn's sheets, he realized he needed it.

* * *

"So, this is it." The orderly told him, leading him into what looked like a sort a rec room. "We call this the main room, because basically, this is the main room." She said simply. There was a small TV in one corner, with a couch and a few plastic chairs around it, and a few tables that had stacks of board games and puzzles on them. A book shelf off to the side shelved DVD's and things to read.

"This is where you'll spend most of your time, down the hall is where we eat, to the left are the boys rooms and the to the right, the girls where you are not allowed to go." She continued. Her name tag read "Sheila" and she had dull blond hair, and a bored sounding voice.

Just as Finn was about to ask if he could see his room, he heard a high pitched squeal from across the room, and Paige skipped towards him. He had no idea where she had come from.

"Finn! I am so_ freakin super_ excited to see you!" She shouted. Finn looked at her tiredly.

"Why?" He asked.

"Incredibly bored. You're new and different, ergo exciting." She explained, running her hand back through her hair. Finn stared at her arm. In addition to the hideous scars running horizontally across it, she also had large black marks blanketing her forearm. She noticed him staring and laughed.

"Dude, chill, it's charcoal. I was drawing." She explained. "Don't worry about me, I can hold my own." She said, balling her hands into fists and punching the air. He looked at her pale, skinny arms and didn't think she would be capable of lifting one of the plastic chairs above her head, let alone fighting off an attacker.

He reached forward and rubbed one of the marks on her arm, and it smudged off on his fingers.

"Yeah no, don't bother believing me, just reach on over and cop a feel." Paige said.

"I did." Finn said, wiping the charcoal off on his hospital gown. She rolled her eyes at him.

"Paige, why don't you go let Finn get settled, hmm?" Sheila asked. Paige pouted. "His mother will be here soon and I'm sure he's very tired so..."

"But I'm so_ bored!_" She whined. Sheila gave her an unsympathetic look.

"Why don't you go watch TV with Michael?" She suggested, gesturing to a motionless boy on the couch who was less watching TV and more staring at it.

"No way, he pinches me and smells like feet." She said stubbornly. Sheila rolled her eyes again, and shooed Paige away.

Another orderly entered the room now, and told them that Finn had a visitor.

"Do you want us to let her in, she says she's your mother." The orderly asked. Finn nodded and the orderly disappeared back through the door, and when he returned Carole was with him.

"What's in that?" Sheila asked, eyeing the large duffle bag Carole had with her.

"His clothes." She said. She smiled at Finn, and he offered a weak smile in return.

"We'll take that, he can't have his clothes yet." She said, and Carole handed over the duffle bag. "Come on," Sheila said. "I'll show you two to his room."

Finn's room was small, and only contained a single bed, a small desk with a lamp on it, and a minuscule chest of drawers, but it wasn't bad. The walls were a nice green colour, and it smelled like it had been cleaned recently.

"You can spend as much time in your room as you want, except when we have group therapy, or a meal, or you have an appointment with your therapist." Sheila explained. "Since you're on level one, an orderly will be coming around every 5 minutes for checks. I'll leave you get settled." She left immediately, not bothering to explain what she meant by any of that.

"Well...this is...nice." Carole said simply, sitting down on his bed. Finn nodded and sat down next to her.

"It's not bad." Finn said, bouncing up and down on the bed to test it out. It creaked a little, but seemed comfortable enough. His mother was getting that look on her face like she was about to cry, and Finn put his arms around her. "Mom, I want you to know that I'm going to make this work. I came here to get better so I never hurt anyone again, and that's what I'm gonna do, ok?"

"I know you will sweetie." His mother said, hugging him back.

* * *

**A/N: This chapter is sort of a preview of a the sort of things that the sequel will deal with. **


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: This is **_**technically **_**the last chapter, but they're will be an epilogue as well. And then the sequel will be up. I'll post an A/N when it is. **

Chapter 20:

Once his mother left, Finn lay down on his bed. His head throbbed painfully, and he tried to think over how he felt. He wanted to get better, he knew that. But part of him was sure that was impossible. He thought maybe he could learn to pretend, act better and put on a normal face...but he didn't know if better was an actual possibility for him.

He had thought about what Paige said, about a fog in her brain that had stopped her from connecting her actions to reality...that was familiar. He had the same fog, the one that swirled up and made everything murky. He could feel it returning already, and he didn't know how to get rid of it. His door opened suddenly, and he jumped.

An orderly poked his head into the room and looked at Finn. Finn was about to ask him what he wanted when he said "Checks" and then left. Finn put his head back, wondering what the hell that meant. It took him a minute to realize that that had been the orderly that had found Paige in his room, the one with the dark, interested eyes whom she'd called "Gorey".

5 minutes later, "Gorey" was back. He smiled as he poked his head into the room this time, repeated "checks" and then left. It took him another hour of this, thought it wasn't always Gorey popping his head in, before Finn realized what was happening.

They were checking on him. He couldn't be left alone... of course.

_Since you're on level one, an orderly will be coming around every 5 minutes for checks._

He groaned. Level one? What the fuck did that mean. He wished she'd explained things a little more. If he wasn't allowed to have his clothes, what were the drawers for? Would someone come and get him when it was time to eat? What was group therapy? His mother had mentioned medication to him, when was that going to start?

He flexed his fingers, curling them around the metal bars that made up his head board. He had a funny feeling in his head, like he wanted to bash his head against it. He laughed, wondering if that was what the fog was going to want now, now that he didn't have Kurt anymore. He closed his eyes, and Kurt's pale, whimpering face appeared to him. He stopped laughing.

No, that wasn't what the fog was going to want now. It would still want Kurt, would hardly recognize that it couldn't have him anymore. He bit down on his lip, trying to shove those thoughts away. He didn't want Kurt, he told himself. He_ couldn't_ want him, that was sick. He knew what he'd done now, as much as the fog had tried to hide it from he, he knew.

He couldn't still want him...couldn't want what he'd done with him. He refused to want him.

He could still see Kurt in his mind, see him panting and begging and when he opened his eyes the image wouldn't leave him. And the more he thought about him, the more a familiar throbbing between his legs, and swirling in his brain told him he _did still want him_. Just as much as ever.

His door opened and a new orderly poked their head into the room, sweeping their eyes around and announcing "Checks."

The throbbing between his legs called his attention and he wondered if he was expected to jerk himself with in the 5 minutes, or not care when an orderly walked in. He had seen several other teenage boys in the main room, and he knew the hospital must realize that they needed to do that. He wondered if they had some sort of system, like an elastic band you could put on the door knob. He chuckled a little, even though he'd never felt less like laughing.

Another orderly shoved their head into the room. "Checks."

Finn was pretty sure he was going to kill them. He wondered if the fog would let him do that. Let him kill someone, hiding the truth of his actions behind that thick, blurry wall. He turned his face into his pillow, so the ordleries wouldn't see him crying.

He bet it would. It had let him torture someone, and kept him so far from the truth that he'd actually thought they'd just been fucking.

"Checks."

He groaned into his pillow, his whole body shaking. He wouldn't let the fog do that anymore. He couldn't. He tried to push it away, to clear his head, but it just pushed back.

"Checks."

* * *

With a sudden and jerking start, Kurt woke up in Finn's bed. For a moment he didn't realize how or why he was in there. He began to panic, but then his sticky hand and unbuttoned pants reminded him. He leaned back on the bed, laughing a little. Of course. He had come in here himself. He'd come in here to fulfill some sick desire he'd spent so long trying to deny. The laughter in his throat turned to tears, and his head buzzed horribly.

His head buzzed and buzzed and he covered to ears to make it stop...and it did. It was only then that he realized it wasn't his head that was buzzing, it was his phone. The caller ID said "Blaine" and he grabbed it, using his clean hand to open it and hold it against his ear.

"Hello?"

"Hi Kurt!" Blaine said excitedly. Kurt smiled.

"Hey Blaine..." He said quietly.

"Sorry I didn't pick up before, my phone was upstairs." He said quickly.

"That's ok." Kurt said. He'd wanted to talk to Blaine so he could talk him out of what he had been about to do...but it was too late now, and probably for the best. He ached a little between his legs, but it was a familiar feeling, almost comforting. And for the first time in what felt like forever, the pulling, needy feeling was gone from his chest.

"So, do you want to hang out? See a movie, or a play, or dinner or something?" Blaine asked excitedly.

Kurt held back a groan. It wasn't that he didn't want to see Blaine, he was just tired...he was always tired lately. The thought of going out sounded exhausting. "Um, I'm kinda tired Blaine."

"Oh. Yeah, no of course you are. No, that's fine." Blaine said quickly. Kurt could tell he was trying to hide the disappointment in his voice.

"No, I mean...I want to see you...I just...don't want to go out." He said, rubbing his eyes.

"Oh! Good. I mean, good you want to see me." He babbled. Kurt shook his head.

"So, do you want to come over...we could, uh watch a movie here or something." Kurt said.

"Yeah, sure. I mean, yes. I would."

"Ok...I just need to take a bath or something first..." He said, getting up off Finn's bed. He'd need to make it too, or they would know he had been in here.

"Yeah, sure. Can I come over in two hours?" Blaine said.

"Um, an hours fine." Kurt said. It had used to take him two hours to get ready, but now it took him half the usual time to get dressed. Clothes just weren't as important as they had used to be.

"Ok, I'll see you in an hour then." Blaine said cheerfully. "Bye!"

"Bye Blaine." Kurt said, feeling a little hollow. He hung up and went into his washroom, letting the tub fill up. He'd made a deal with his father; no more marathon showers, but he could stay in the bath for as long as he pleased. The bath didn't have the same hot, pulsing relief as the shower, but he would take what he could get.

He thought about his conversation with Blaine, and why it left him feeling so empty. Blaine was acting so nervous...most of him thought it was adorable. But he also felt a little bitter. Blaine was so eager now...he didn't see why it had taken something like this for him to admit his feelings. Maybe if he had before…

Kurt pushed that thought from his head. He was _not_ going to blame Blaine. In all likelihood, if it hadn't been for Blaine, it might still be happening. Kurt smiled a little, wondering what that would be like. If no one knew, and Finn was still here...still waiting for him. He wondered how long he would have taken it for. Probably forever.

He tried to remember how he'd convinced himself it was fine. His thinking felt so messed up now, he could hardly remember what he'd said to himself to make it ok. It had seemed almost simple then.

He filled the tub up with only hot water, and slipped into it. He knew he should feel better now that it was over...and in a lot of ways, he did. But in some, he felt even worse.

Now that he knew what had been done to him, what had been forced upon him, now that he realized the full extent of his humiliation, he felt even more disgusting. He hated what had happened, and it made him sick to think of how he had literally lain down and taken it, but he also realized that some part of him, the part of him that had taken him into Finn's room an hour ago….that part of him missed it.

The hot water burned and stung in the right ways, and he sunk down under it. The water beat against his ears, and he tried not to think about Finn. He didn't want to think about Finn, not anymore. He wanted his life with Finn to be over, wanted it to be a distant memory of some former person.

As much as he wanted it, and as much as Blaine tried to convince him it was, he knew that it wasn't over yet.


	21. Epilogue

Chapter 21

Kurt couldn't believe what he was hearing. This was the last person he expected to get this speech from.

"I can't believe your breaking up with me." He fumed.

"Mr. Hummel, I wish you would stop saying that." Dr. Sincere said with a sigh. "I am not 'breaking up with you', I am recommending you see an actual psychiatrist, someone who would be more suited to your specific needs."

"What needs?" He asked, even though he had a pretty good idea what she meant.

"Well, for starters I know several psychiatrists who deal specifically with sexual based disorders, and they would be much more equipped to help you work through your guilt and sexual frustration." She said, her calm smile never wavering.

"I am not sexually frustrated…." He mumbled.

"I have spoken with your teachers, and they have all informed me that your class attendance and academic performance has begun to improve, and we have worked through some of your base issues together, and now it is time for you to move on."

When he left her office, and was given no time to sulk, because Blaine was waiting for him.

"Hey, how'd it go?" He asked cheerfully. Kurt sighed.

"She wants us to see other people." He said. Blaine raised his eyebrow. "Like an actual therapist. Who can help me deal with my...issues."

"Oh..and your not happy about that, I gather?" Kurt shook his head. "Really, because she kind of freaked me out...maybe this is a good thing." He said, walking down the hallway.

"When did you meet her?" Kurt asked, walking alongside Blaine out of the administration section. For a second he thought he saw something like panic flash across Blaine's eyes, but it was gone in a moment.

"She called me in to discuss that class I skipped to go intimidate Finn." He replied.

"Oh...ok..." As he and Blaine walked, he realized Blaine was not leading them out to the parking lot. "Hey, where are we going?"

Blaine glanced at him nervously, and stopped walking. He took his hands and held them. "Kurt, I know your upset, and so I'm sorry to do this to you now but...we're going the Warblers practice." The second he finished speaking, he continued to pull Kurt down the hallway towards the Seniors Common room where they met.

"No!" Kurt moaned, still allowing himself to be dragged along. "They're going to make a big deal about it and Wes is going to make snide remarks."

Blaine stopped outside the door and turned to Kurt. "No, they won't. I promise. They'll be happy that your back, trust me." As he spoke, he began brushing lint off Kurt's uniform and cleaning him up. "Now Kurt, I had to do some pretty terrible things to get you back in. Terrible, unspeakable things involving doing David's laundry for a month." He gave him a pointed look here, and straightened Kurt's tie. "So you are going to go in there, do the best you can to get back into the flow of things, and interact with your fellow Warbler's. Then we're going to go to Lima Bean after and you can tell me how much you hate me then, ok?" He smoothed Kurt's hair down in a few places, then stepped back to admire his work. "Perfect."

Kurt sighed. "I'm scared." He admitted.

Blaine ran his thumb along Kurt's cheek, and then took his hands back in his. "You'll be fine. Remember when we first met and I told you to have courage?" Kurt nodded. "Well that was bullshit. I was trying to seem strong to impress you, but the truth is Kurt, you have more courage than I could ever hope to. You are strong and determined and you_ know_ you can do this, which is why you let me drag you here." He moved his hand back up to his face, and held it gently, leaning forward to kiss him. "I love you, Kurt. You're going to be fine."

Hand in hand, they walked into the room together. When they entered, Wes and David looked up and smiled.

"Ah, Kurt Hummel. Welcome back to the world."

* * *

When Finn woke up the next morning, it took him a moment to figure out where he was. He looked at the unfamiliar green walls and his mind readjusted itself. He looked down at the white bracelet on his arm.

It came back to him then, and he sighed. He hated forgetting.

Forgetting meant he had to remember all over again. Whenever he remembered, there was always a brief second of denial.

No. That couldn't have been me. I couldn't have done that.

But then the familiar haze rose up, sweeping with it the awful sensation of _Yes._

_Yes. That was you. You did it._

Of course it was. He groaned and sat up in his bed. An orderly popped their head into the room, and Finn glared at her. Most of the orderlies looked familiar to him now, almost all of them had popped their heads into his room for checks, but he still hadn't caught most of their names.

This orderly, a bright eyed red head smiled at him, despite his glare. "Breakfast in 5 minutes." She said cheerfully. He sighed in relief. He hadn't even realized it, but he had been holding his breath, dreading the moment she would udder the word "checks".

He got up and went to the dining room. He'd been in there the day before for dinner. It was a large room, with a long table in it. You ate with plastic utensils, but only a few people were given plastic knives. He couldn't tell why some where allowed to use them and some weren't.

He wasn't.

Paige had sat with him last night at dinner, but she'd hardly spoken to him. She had just sat next to him, quietly eating her food. He wondered if she'd been able to tell he wasn't in the mood for speaking, and if she had he was grateful for her silence.

Breakfast was a choice of lumpy looking oatmeal or cereal, and Finn went with froot loops. He looked around, but Paige wasn't there, so he sat by himself trying not to think about how much he'd like a toaster strudel right now.

After breakfast he was informed that he had group therapy, and was directed to another room off the main room. A group of 7 other kids sat around in a circle on the floor, and a middle aged man with black hair and glasses sat at the head of it.

"Ah, Mr. Finn Hudson, right?" The man said in a british accent. It threw Finn off a little and he nodded. "Brilliant. I'm Duncan, yes that is my last name and what you will call me. As you may have noticed, I'm british but I promise not to force you to drink tea or play cricket with me."

Finn stared at him, feeling like he should try and smile at the joke, but he couldn't seem to find the energy. Instead he just sat down. "That's alright Finn, no one ever laughs at that joke. But I'll keep making it until someone does."

"You'll be making it forever." A tired looking girl with pink hair said. She had her knees pressed tightly against her chest and looked like she was shivering.

"That, Patricia, is your opinion." He said with a smile. "Everyone, say hello to Finn."

A few people mumbled or nodded their heads, and Patricia snickered. A fragile looking asian girl looked at him with a blank look on her face. "Welcome to Hell." She said thickly.

Duncan rolled his eyes. "Excellent job making him feel welcome, Young." He turned to Finn. "Pay no mind to the peanut gallery. Trust me, I've worked in a lot of places much worse than this and this place isn't bad. It may not be the Ritz, and the oatmeal might be lumpy, but I promise you everyone on the staff is fully dedicated to your recovery. Even Sheila. She may be a bitch, but she means well."

Finn smiled, and a saw a few others do the same.

"So, Finn, tell us why you're here." He continued.

Finn looked around the group. Everyone looked a little out of it...he didn't think any of them would care about what he'd done. Or hear him if he spoke. "I raped my step-brother. A lot." He mumbled. Most people didn't move, but Patricia burst out laughing and he thought he saw a twitchy looking blond haired boy inch away from him.

Duncan nodded. "Anything else?"

"That's not enough?" Finn asked.

Duncan shook his head. "If that was all, you'd be in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison, pardon the phrase." Finn smiled a little, wondering if Paige had gotten that from him or the other way around.

"Well...they said I have IED and uh...I guess that makes sense. I know I have issues controlling myself...mostly because I can't do it. I get this like...fog in my brain." He said quietly. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a few people nod. "It makes things...difficult." That wasn't the right word, but it was the closest one he could think of. "I want it to go away." He mumbled. Duncan nodded, and clapped his hands together excitedly.

"Congratulations Finn Hudson, you have just taken your first steps towards recovery." He looked at Finn with a bright glint in his eye. "Now the real fun begins."


	22. AN

A/N: Sequel is Up, titled "Recovery"


End file.
